Zaldy, Zaldy, my friend, it must be tough to be the conscience of the far left, to continually be controversial in the face of no controversy, to keep selling those darn newspapers when there\u2019s almost nothing to write about. <\/p>\n
C\u2019mon, let\u2019s go down the checklist.<\/p>\n
No junkets. No scandals. No lavish spending. No petty bickering between the Houses or even on the floor, for that matter. My goodness, Zaldy, been up there lately? Like a wake. Maybe because the new governor pulled the cell phones and imposed a cutback on gasoline rations. What\u2019s to report? Why not come late and later to press conferences, huh? No Rose Bowl Parade for us this year, either. <\/p>\n
My goodness, the governor says, \u201cI\u2019m doing this\u2026\u201d and bingo, it\u2019s done. <\/p>\n
And the money has dried up. No fun. Boy, I miss the good old days, don\u2019t you? It seemed every other week Smiley was off visiting someone somewhere with a bunch of his cronies on official business, as he fudged us to believe. This 100-day wonder we got today? Pays his own way. Unheard of, I gotta tell you that. It was a joy to read the newspaper back in the old days. No more. It\u2019s gotten so bad I\u2019m reading every single word in the classified section. Twice. Gotta be a kernel of something nasty in there to write about. <\/p>\n
You too, Zaldy?<\/p>\n
Back then things were so disarrayed every mother\u2019s son and daughter from under every rock and agency got their names in the paper. Sort of like a rescue mission, the way they made it sound. It was in the budget or by board decree, anyway. Spend it or lose it, I always say. They were bumping into each other at the gates to get out. Time enough to throw a barbecue, the lines were so long. But that\u2019s when we had more flights. We couldn\u2019t stop them from going off-island to every obscure meeting imaginable at my, at our expense, Zaldy, do you realize that? Nobody tried, anyway, because they were on the next plane out, too, fercryinoutloud.<\/p>\n
So who\u2019s running the place anyway? And did they cross paths with the former governor out there? Jezzus, take a number.<\/p>\n
Nowadays, and to appear they\u2019re doing their fiduciary best, things are so desperate on the hill even the minority block in the Legislature is compelled to make headlines. Blackmail? Yeah, if you\u2019re referring to Stanley. <\/p>\n
Pass the budget? That guy is still stuck on $230 million under the old regime four years ago. But then again he\u2019s been up there way, way too long. Should\u2019ve taken the hint when the other dinosaurs were eviscerated.<\/p>\n
Separation of powers among branches? Heart-pounding stuff thinking of the founding fathers and the U.S. Constitution way back then. But when the salary cuts come and the government funds for personal office allotment is reduced, they\u2019ll be glad they never pushed for it.<\/p>\n
Overtime pay? Go pitch a tent behind the Aquarius during working hours, and yellow-tape the BBQ area while you\u2019re at it. <\/p>\n
Just plain ol\u2019 rehashed stuff not worth a goodly one hundred days. But you gotta try, Zaldy, hang in there, hear?<\/p>\n
In his State of the Commonwealth address the new governor claimed that the CNMI is broke. No one clapped. Not a peep on education. The college\u2019s brokers walked out.<\/p>\n
Save the dock? The floating hotels are coming. A fisherman\u2019s wharf restaurant to buy all the fish the activists claim they will bring in and to satisfy the culturalists at that other location a few hundred yards away.<\/p>\n
He also said the former administration overspent to the tune of $155 million in unreserved deficit. Some city fathers in the audience shook there heads in disbelief. Hustle, Zaldy, might there be a story there?<\/p>\n
Okay, listen up, can we still hammer on the other guy\u2014noted for his practiced smile and nothing else in between\u2014who swore, \u201cIt\u2019s pretty darn good.\u201d Didn\u2019t he swear our budget was balanced? Guess not, that\u2019s old news.<\/p>\n
New guy slashes the budget. Better start tightening your belt. And what can you write about slashing the budget anyway, Zaldy? It gets stale after several columns. <\/p>\n
The dirt, where\u2019s the dirt? <\/p>\n
What\u2019s that feminist magazine, Ms., or something like that? The one that wrote about abuse of our female guest workers, stopping just short of being a dazzling porno website? Zaldy, let\u2019s get on the bandwagon and do something like them! Write a book! Deep Throat and Bob Woodward, he\u2019s still selling. Better yet, go Hollywood! A screenplay like, Wag The Dog In Paradise On A Starlite Night. Leave the fluff to the other reporters and columnists, realizing they\u2019re scrambling to get a paycheck\u2014just like you, Zaldy. <\/p>\n
And, heck, if I remember correctly, you wrote two columns that were actually complimentary of Governor Fitial\u2014in a backhanded sort of way but that\u2019s showbiz. Nice technique though, being contrary, huh? As far as it goes. <\/p>\n
Still selling newspapers, Zaldy? <\/p>\n
The problem you got is that the newly elected administration is steadily moving forward with strong leadership and purpose of mind. Let\u2019s have no lip and wake up that guy in the back. Everybody got the picture? Now let\u2019s join hands then go out there and do it, hey! <\/p>\n
One official up there on the hill claimed he felt like a boy scout at their executive-legislative meetings. Yeah, buddy, I remember those days up there on the hill when nothing got done, you postured and primped and left for the day even before lunch, if you ever showed up for work in the first place. What a way to make a living, a fat living. Nice spiffy shirt and tie, anyway, great for photo ops. <\/p>\n
There\u2019s a bunch of so-called investors with some salape waiting in the wings but that\u2019s not controversial. You say it probably won\u2019t happen anyway, huh, Zaldy? Leave the goody-goody stuff to the other reporters. Could happen tomorrow. <\/p>\n
What\u2019s to expose, I ask you? Shucks, this new guy is telling secrets about everybody and everything on Harry\u2019s show every Wednesday there\u2019s no more mystery in running a government. So what\u2019s to write about? It\u2019s already been said: Old news is no news. <\/p>\n
Man, we need something like the past four years. Great theater. Even the last 12 years if you want to get technical about it.<\/p>\n
There was so much garbage in the previous administration, with hands in the till and out the door, it must\u2019ve confused you. Even my filing system was spilling over with goodies. What to write about next? Upper management reluctant to give you more space in the editorial section, Zaldy, since Smiley got dumped? And whatever happened to that P Magazine? They might need a good expos\u00e9 writer but wait, did they exit, too, with the former governor?<\/p>\n
Maybe we should wait on tables at Miggy\u2019s\u2014until everything blows over.<\/p>\n
Holani Smith
\nvia e-mail<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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