If there\u2019s one thing the Commonwealth does well, it\u2019s ride out typhoons. I figure we could take a few people at random from the Commonwealth, set up a snappy consulting name, and head to the states and rake in big fees.<\/p>\n
Big, big fees. Then we can buy CUC everything it needs, hire shills to walk around Garapan and pretend they\u2019re tourists, and build a bridge to Tinian. Heck, maybe even to Rota. Big fees, I say…<\/p>\n
Our timing is right. Just this week, on May 30, the New York Times ran an article entitled “As Hurricane Season Looms, States Aim to Scare.”<\/p>\n
Indeed, according to the article, various U.S. officials in various states are telling their wards that they should stockpile a bit of food, water, flashlights, and so on, because folks can\u2019t just count on the government to solve everything when a hurricane tears through the area.<\/p>\n
I have been through hurricanes in the United States, and, indeed, a lot of people did nothing to prepare, even though they\u2019d have four days or so of warning. And when I say nothing to prepare, I mean nothing to prepare. Some had nary one bottle of water to tide them through. Why? Maybe after a hurricane hit, the tooth fairy was supposed to call the food fairy, the water fairy, and fuel fairy, and start handing out provisions.<\/p>\n
Well, ain\u2019t no such fairy godmothers on Saipan, which is good, since ain\u2019t no such godmothers anywhere anyway. Thing is, we know that. When KMCV starts showing those swirly-doos on the telescreen, we know the routine. Everybody has one.<\/p>\n
Mine is like so: Fill up the car\u2019s gas tank. Buy beer. Flirt with cashier. Get cash from ATM. Flirt with ATM. Buy more beer. Top off the food and water stash. Do the laundry before the electricity gets messed up (by which I mean, have somebody else do the laundry, as I act in a strictly supervisory capacity).<\/p>\n
More tasks as the \u2018phoon gets closer: Barbecue the good steaks from the fridge, no use letting them spoil if the electricity goes out. Invite friends. Eat steaks. Sample beer. Hmm…good. <\/p>\n
Park car strategically so it doesn\u2019t get clobbered by falling or flying objects. Back up all computer data. Back up the backup. Board up windows. Seal door and window gaps with duct tape. Forget something outside. Take duct tape off door, go outside, and tend to chores. Go back inside. Re-tape door. Get told I forgot something else. Tell her if it\u2019s so important, do it your own damned self. <\/p>\n
Whew, that\u2019s an exhaustive list, but hardly exhausting. It seems obvious to you, and to me, but I really think we could take this show on the road, with props, visual aids, brochures, and we\u2019re in business. The New York Times article cited a survey of Atlantic and Gulf state (that\u2019s hurricane territory) residents, and found that 68 percent of them did not even have hurricane survival kits. <\/p>\n
An economist would point out that we\u2019re up against a case where the expectation of government services is providing a disincentive for people to look after themselves. Gee…think so? <\/p>\n
Typhoons and hurricanes are the same thing, technically known as cyclones. I figure if we\u2019re going to be consultants, we should know that. <\/p>\n
Somebody get our business cards printed up. I\u2019m ready to go. I\u2019m on 24\/7 emergency standby alert. <\/p>\n
Who you gonna\u2019 call? \u2018Phoon Busters! <\/p>\n
(Ed Stephens Jr. is an economist and columnist for the Saipan Tribune. E-mail him at Ed@SaipanEconomist.com)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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