In 1973, New Orleans blues-rocker Dr. John hit the charts singing about being in the right place at the wrong time.<\/p>\n
In 2015, I rediscovered that gig. No, I didn\u2019t buy an oldies CD. I bought an alarm clock. It wasn\u2019t a genuine oldie, but something out of synch with the times, an analog timekeeper that was battery-powered instead of wind-up driven. It\u2019s an anachronism in today\u2019s do-all smartphone age.<\/p>\n
And when it comes to the wrong time, well, this clock knows more about it than Dr. John. The thing loses 10 minutes every day.<\/p>\n
Even though it\u2019s the wrong time, it\u2019s the right clock. Well, for me, at least. I find it symbolic of the difference between the old ways and the new ways.<\/p>\n
So, while the clock is slow and feeble-minded, it soaks up a lot less time and attention than the fancy apps on my phone or tablet computer do. Things that used to be so simple seem to take so much more attention these days.<\/p>\n
I listed some of the things I like about my timekeeper that can\u2019t keep time, because once a streak of curmudgeonly atavism gets rolling, I don\u2019t want to stop it. So here are some items:<\/p>\n
It\u2019s easy to read. I can just glance at it; I don\u2019t have to touch the thing, much less manipulate it.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s easy to set. Takes just a few seconds, even accounting for the fact I have to bump the time forward by 10 minutes every day.<\/p>\n
You can\u2019t set the alarm for the wrong day. It doesn\u2019t have a wrong day! Unlike many phone or computer apps, it doesn\u2019t care what day it is. This clock doesn\u2019t think it\u2019s a calendar. It knows it\u2019s a clock.<\/p>\n
It doesn\u2019t care what time zone it\u2019s in. It doesn\u2019t think it\u2019s an airplane. Or a satellite. It still knows it\u2019s a clock.<\/p>\n
The alarm is easy to turn on. You can do that by mere feel.<\/p>\n
The alarm is easy to turn off. You can do that by mere feel, too.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s easy to tell when the alarm is on. It\u2019s easy to tell when the alarm is off. There\u2019s no ambiguity.<\/p>\n
It doesn\u2019t have to be charged. It doesn\u2019t need a power cord. It doesn\u2019t need a power adaptor. It doesn\u2019t care that you forgot to buy a travel converter after you wind up in some strange country that uses 8-prong outlets for its 528-volt, 7-cycle AC power grid. The clock runs off a single AAA-battery, which should last at least a year and takes about five seconds to replace.<\/p>\n
And, incidentally, it cost $1.50. I\u2019m talking about the clock, not the battery. That\u2019s a piddling price for a token of defiance in the digital age.<\/p>\n
The way I tally the score, the time-keeper that can\u2019t keep time still puts me ahead of the game in terms of logistics, ergonomics, and convenience. As for its lack of accuracy, the worst that can happen is that I\u2019ll wake up 10 minutes late.<\/p>\n
By contrast, just about everyone I know has totally blown through a wake-up time when their fancy electronic devices were set wrong, or configured wrong, or ran out of power, and so on.<\/p>\n
Which leads to my big, profound theory, and it\u2019s bigger than a mere alarm clock: I\u2019ll submit that nominal accuracy, and real-world accuracy, are entirely different things. What constitutes \u201cimprovement\u201d seems like a pretty dicey proposition.<\/p>\n
For a last word on this, well, it\u2019s not too far from the first word. Since we opened up with a look at Dr. John of New Orleans, we might as well close with the fictional Travis McGee of Ft. Lauderdale, who, in the 1964 novel The Deep Blue Good-by, noted this:<\/p>\n
\u201cI am wary of the whole dreary deadening structured mess we have built into such a glittering top-heavy structure that there is nothing left to see but the glitter, and the brute routines of maintaining it.\u201d<\/p>\n
Well, there you go. McGee knew more about today a half-century ago than we know about today, today.<\/p>\n
Saipan has a few Travis McGee fans. I\u2019m sure a few folks remember Dr. John as well. I don\u2019t know how many residents are fans of buck-and-half clocks that can\u2019t keep time, but maybe we can gin up some interest there, too, if for nothing else but the retro angle. We could start a club, meet for breakfast, and talk about the good old days.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m thinking early December. This will give us plenty of time to spread the word.<\/p>\n
We\u2019ll schedule breakfast for 7am at Shirley\u2019s.<\/p>\n
Uh, let\u2019s make it 7:10.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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