One of my friends reports that his laptop computer went AWOL for a day. It re-appeared in the refrigerator. Why he put it in the fridge to begin with, he doesn\u2019t know, but he remembers juggling a bunch of tasks in the kitchen after he got home from work, so he\u2019s probably going to find a quart of milk in his briefcase.<\/p>\n
We decided we\u2019d better tally some signs of middle age right away, before we all start forgetting. Some of the flashback items apply more to mainland life than Saipan life, so if that messes things up, you can simply cross out the offending items, re-number the list, and you\u2019re good to go. Anyway, here are the signs:<\/p>\n
It\u2019s mid-April, and you\u2019re already finished your 2016 Christmas shopping. <\/p>\n
-When it\u2019s time to prepare for a typhoon\u2019s imminent arrival, you calmly address the situation by taking a nap. <\/p>\n
-You remember when sunlight was healthy. And then when it wasn\u2019t. And then when it was again. Ditto for butter, red wine, and coffee.<\/p>\n
-You remember FORTRAN, COBOL, BASIC, DOS, Lotus, and WordStar.<\/p>\n
-You\u2019ve finally given up trying to understand Nietzsche. <\/p>\n
-You know how to change the ribbon on a typewriter.<\/p>\n
-You remember when Cadillacs were the Cadillacs of automobiles.<\/p>\n
-You know that Timex takes a licking and keeps on ticking. You also know that Alka-Seltzer goes \u201cplop plop fizz fizz,\u201d that nobody doesn\u2019t like Sara Lee, and that \u201cDatsun saves.\u201d And you\u2019ll never forget that Maxwell House coffee is good to the last drop, that\u2019s Folgers coffee is the richest kind, and that Chock full o\u2019Nuts is not only heavenly coffee, but is better than a millionaire\u2019s money can buy.<\/p>\n
-You remember when motor oil came in cardboard cans. <\/p>\n
-You remember when \u201c10\u201d meant actress Bo Derek. <\/p>\n
-You remember when Amazon was launched and you sneered at the idea, saying, \u201cNobody will buy books on the Internet. That\u2019s what bookstores are for.\u201d<\/p>\n
-You remember when people had to look at a map to understand where China is.<\/p>\n
-You still consider the F-4 Phantom the coolest fighter jet, though you\u2019ll allow that the F-5 is sexier.<\/p>\n
-You realize that people who can\u2019t alphabetize the folders in file cabinets make more money than people who can. <\/p>\n
-You know that a percolator is. And a slide rule. And an 8-track. And a mimeograph.<\/p>\n
-Those salacious old disco songs? They now strike you as charmingly innocent.<\/p>\n
-You remember when presenting a credit card, the store clerk would look up the card number in a printed booklet to see if the card was stolen or canceled. <\/p>\n
-When you\u2019re at the veterans\u2019 club, you realize that the Vietnam vets have much of the old-school wisdom, so you always seek their advice on things.<\/p>\n
-You remember when the year 2000 was a futuristic notion, by which point people would visit different planets, everybody would wear shiny silver jump suits, and all the cars would have gull-wing doors. <\/p>\n
-You remember when the national evening news ended with the sign off, \u201cAnd that\u2019s the way it is.\u201d<\/p>\n
-You remember keeping a toolbox in your car because you knew you could probably fix it if it broke down.<\/p>\n
-You remember when people were people, not human resources.<\/p>\n
-Your idea of an adventurous vacation is staying home for three days so you can test all the features of your new Zojirushi rice maker.<\/p>\n
-You don\u2019t feel the slightest urge to correct someone who describes Saipan as a \u201csouth Pacific\u201d island. You\u2019re also cool with \u201ctwo plus two equals five.\u201d You have finally figured out that as long as it\u2019s not going over your signature, it\u2019s not your problem.<\/p>\n
-You remember when a nickel candy bar only cost a dime. Ah, those were the days.<\/p>\n
-The last time you knew the price of a first class stamp was at some point in the previous century. <\/p>\n
We\u2019re still adding to the list, so feel free to email me any ideas you\u2019ve got; naturally, you should make sure that your Internet router is turned on first. Don\u2019t know where your router is? Try checking next to the orange juice.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
One of my friends reports that his laptop computer went AWOL for a day. It…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":42,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[10960,10961,10962,67],"class_list":["post-225585","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-opinion","tag-awol","tag-basic","tag-cobol","tag-people"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.saipantribune.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/225585","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.saipantribune.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.saipantribune.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.saipantribune.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/42"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.saipantribune.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=225585"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.saipantribune.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/225585\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.saipantribune.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=225585"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.saipantribune.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=225585"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.saipantribune.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=225585"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}