{"id":404221,"date":"2024-01-04T14:00:00","date_gmt":"2024-01-04T14:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.saipantribune.com\/?p=404221"},"modified":"-0001-11-30T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"-0001-11-29T14:00:00","slug":"New-Year-s-Volutions-and-Resolutions","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.saipantribune.com\/index.php\/New-Year-s-Volutions-and-Resolutions\/","title":{"rendered":"New Year\u2019s Volutions and Resolutions"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><h2>2024 Resolutions and Solutions<\/h2>\n<\/p>\n<p>All New Year\u2019s Eve vomit is a vile ablution<\/p>\n<p>pick fresh from Shakespearean attributions<\/p>\n<p>think of Benjamin Franklin\u2019s contributions<\/p>\n<p>contemplate your new brain drain contusions<\/p>\n<p>Are resolutions gaining more diminution<\/p>\n<p>leaning forwards towards failure\u2019s evolution<\/p>\n<p>few New Year\u2019s promises will reach fruition<\/p>\n<p>many resolves require a fresh elocution<\/p>\n<p>Annual promises need strong institution<\/p>\n<p>many amount to drunken verbal pollution<\/p>\n<p>could A I bring a resolution revolution<\/p>\n<p>should we have some alternate substitution<\/p>\n<p>Resolutions cause dissonance and confusion<\/p>\n<p>find solutions in your brain\u2019s convolutions.<\/p>\n<p><h2>Weight Resolution and Dissolution<\/h2>\n<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m gonna lose weight, now for some fried chicken<\/p>\n<p>with melting butter on mashed potatoes and gravy<\/p>\n<p>I realize eating that will make my waist thicken<\/p>\n<p>and then find all my rolls of fat wider and wavy<\/p>\n<p>Last night I woke from a resolution dream<\/p>\n<p>how about giving up cookies and candy<\/p>\n<p>dare I include donuts cake and all ice cream<\/p>\n<p>avoiding any two of those would be dandy<\/p>\n<p>What about oily and fried foods of all kinds<\/p>\n<p>Eating so much of it I just can\u2019t keep tabs<\/p>\n<p>high fructose corn syrup and fried pork rinds<\/p>\n<p>puff out out my large twelve pack of flabs<\/p>\n<p>Local photos show some with morbid obesity<\/p>\n<p>weight loss for them is an absolute necessity.<\/p>\n<figure style=\"width: 480px\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/www.saipantribune.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/images\/imgupload\/d483dfa1e845b8468ca0fedc7f519f83.jpg\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\" \/><figcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\"><br \/>Resolutions-Catherine Jones<br \/><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>2024 Resolutions and Solutions All New Year\u2019s Eve vomit is a vile ablution pick fresh&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-404221","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-opinion"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.saipantribune.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/404221","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.saipantribune.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.saipantribune.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.saipantribune.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.saipantribune.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=404221"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.saipantribune.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/404221\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.saipantribune.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=404221"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.saipantribune.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=404221"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.saipantribune.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=404221"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}