Happy Fourth of July to you all! Let’s start the day with a bit of good humor. It helps the soul. I hope you enjoy these as much as I have.<\/p>\n
Why God never received a PhD….<\/p>\n
1. He had only one major publication.<\/p>\n
2. Some even doubt he wrote it himself.<\/p>\n
3. He never applied to the ethics board for permission to use human species.<\/p>\n
4. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it by drowning his subjects.<\/p>\n
S When subjects didn’t behave as predicated, he deleted them from the sample.<\/p>\n
6. He rarely came to class, just told his students to read the book.<\/p>\n
7. He expelled his first two students for learning.<\/p>\n
8. Although there were only 10 requirements, all of his students failed.<\/p>\n
9. His office offices were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.<\/p>\n
10. Some say he had his Son teach the class.<\/p>\n
Kids Say the Darnest Things….<\/p>\n
1. The parts of speech are lungs and air.<\/p>\n
2. The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.<\/p>\n
3. The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.<\/p>\n
4. The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom.<\/p>\n
5. The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 opossums.<\/p>\n
6. Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.<\/p>\n
7. Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.<\/p>\n
8. A census taker is a man who goes from house to house increasing the population.<\/p>\n
9. A person should take a bath once in the summer, not so often in the winter.<\/p>\n
10. Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.<\/p>\n
Humorous Trivia…<\/p>\n
1. A pig’s orgasm lasts 30 minutes.<\/p>\n
2. Banging your head on the wall uses 150 calories an hour.<\/p>\n
3. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.<\/p>\n
4. You can’t kill yourself by holding your breath.<\/p>\n
5. Americans on the average eat 18 acres of pizza daily.<\/p>\n
6. An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.<\/p>\n
7 Butterflies taste with their feet.<\/p>\n
8. The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the males head off.<\/p>\n
9. Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.<\/p>\n
10. A cat’s urine glows under a black light.<\/p>\n
Student Excuses From Parents ( including spelling)…<\/p>\n
1. Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.<\/p>\n
2. Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault.<\/p>\n
3. Sally won’t be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.<\/p>\n
4. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.<\/p>\n
5. Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.<\/p>\n
6. Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.<\/p>\n
7. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.<\/p>\n
8. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.<\/p>\n
The Following Were Taken From Recent Classified Ads…<\/p>\n
1. Amana Washer $100. Owned by a Clean Bachelor Who Seldom Washed.<\/p>\n
2. Free Puppies…Part German Shepherd-Part Dog.<\/p>\n
3. Cows, Calves never bred… Also 1 gay bull for sale.<\/p>\n
4. Free Puppies…cocker spaniel and sneaky neighbor’s dog.<\/p>\n
5. Full sized mattress. 20 yr. warranty. Like new, slight urine smell.<\/p>\n
6. Free Farm kittens. Ready to eat.<\/p>\n
7. Nice parachute: never opened- used once, slightly stained.<\/p>\n
8. Joining nudist colony! Must sell washer and dryer.<\/p>\n
Have a wonderful day. Hope to see you back to work tomorrow.
\nB<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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