The CNMI Underground Man is all set to vote in this upcoming mid-term election. \u201cWho is the CNMI Underground Man?\u201d you ask.<\/p>\n
The CNMI Underground man is a big fan of Russian novelist Fyodor Dostoyevsky. He is called the \u201cUnderground Man\u201d because his favorite literary selection is \u201cNotes from the Underground.\u201d<\/p>\n
Since his views probably represent those of the typical CNMI voter, I interviewed the \u201cUnderground Man\u201d on this year\u2019s elections. Here is what the underground man had to say about the election.<\/p>\n
\u201cBruddah, first of all, let me make myself perfectly clear on this point: I am voting for Judge Timothy Bellas, bruddah. He is the man. I admire him. He is a good man. He makes adultery look very respectable. I myself frequently commit adultery, and it is very nice to know that people in high places do this, too. It makes me feel very happy inside.<\/p>\n
\u201cI also admire how he plays politics. His public relations is very good. It is good of him to let some people off easy. That Chinese woman in the immigration detention office wanted to be abused. He was right to let the guy go without the book thrown at him, just because somebody important asked him to be lenient on his former bowling partner.<\/p>\n
\u201cAs far as Mr. H. is concerned, I really don\u2019t know why the Reform Party is making such a big deal about his alleged road project. I don\u2019t know if this is true or not, but so what if it is? So what if he paves his house road with government funds? It\u2019s federal money, right? Let him do it, if he did do it. I would do the same if I were in his position. I am voting for him.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat about that other candidate? I don\u2019t care if he has ten wives. That\u2019s his personal business. As long as he gives me a government job, a free homestead and all sorts of government benefits, why should I care what he does with his former subordinate? It\u2019s none of my business. So what if his opponent is a good family man?<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd another thing: on Article 12, you bet I am voting \u2018Yes.\u2019 We have to vote yes to protect our lands–our precious resources. We need to keep these outsiders out no matter what. They have no right to own Chamolinian land. I don\u2019t care if I can buy land in California. I don\u2019t have any money to buy land in California.<\/p>\n
\u201cPrejudice? You bet it\u2019s prejudice. So what? Let\u2019s go even further. Let\u2019s make sure only locals can have jobs. Why are we giving so many jobs to aliens? They are taking advantage of us–ripping us off with their high productivity, labor, earnings, local market consumption, local bank savings, and all that monkey business.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe need proven leaders who can give us generous government benefits, who won\u2019t hesitate to raid the retirement fund, if necessary–to do whatever it takes to dole out the perks. I don\u2019t care if we go bankrupt in process. I want what belongs to others, especially foreign investors–and I want it now.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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