By Joe Weindl
\nSpecial to the Saipan Tribune<\/p>\n
Hafa Adai, guacamole, how are you? I had a nice vacation, but it\u2019s time to get back to work, watching movies and making snide remarks about them. Man, this job is tough. Did you miss me? I\u2019ll pretend you said \u201cyes.\u201d<\/p>\n
With the New Year, I figured I\u2019d implement a new system for my movie reviews\u2014every review will include a rating, or in this case, a grade. What a novel, idea, huh? The grades I\u2019ll be applying are pretty straightforward, modeled after the grades one would get in school\u2014\u201cA\u201d is excellent, \u201cB\u201d is above average, \u201cC\u201d is average, yadda, yadda.<\/p>\n
One more change: In the very near future, after having finally broken through the gates of the film critics\u2019 circle, I\u2019ll at last be able to watch movies before they\u2019re released, so that you can read the review on the day it opens in theaters (or in our case\u2014theater). Again, what a novel idea, eh?<\/p>\n
It\u2019s good to be back on the pages of the Saipan Tribune. Here\u2019s hoping that the New Year will bring us plenty of good cinematic fun.<\/p>\n
JOE SAYS<\/p>\n
Phantom of the Opera; 2:23; PG-13, for violence and impromptu singing
\nSee review in Monday\u2019s Saipan Tribune<\/p>\n
Elektra; 1:37; PG-13, for violence
\nJennifer Garner\u2019s rotund buttocks in tight leather is the only reason one might want to watch this stupid spin-off of another incredibly horrible comic-book movie (Daredevil).
\nGrade: F<\/p>\n
Are We There Yet?; PG, for language and rude humor
\nSee review in Monday\u2019s Saipan Tribune<\/p>\n
Assault on Precinct 13; 1:49; R, for strong violence and language
\nSee review on other article
\nGrade: C +<\/p>\n
Meet the Fockers; 1:54; PG-13, for language and incessant crude humor
\nTerrific comedic acting from an all-star ensemble cast makes Meet the Fockers almost as fun to watch as its predecessor.
\nGrade: B<\/p>\n
Racing Stripes; 1:34; PG, for mild language and crude humor
\nRacing Stripes can be boring as all heck for the adults in the audience, but we\u2019re not the target audience. Youngsters between 5-12 should enjoy it just fine.
\nGrade: C<\/p>\n
White Noise; 1:41; PG-13, for violence, horror, and language
\nWhite Noise is never even slightly scary, and the acting is terrible. The story is absurd, and never emotionally involving enough to make the audience care.
\nGrade: F<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Hafa Adai, guacamole, how are you? I had a nice vacation, but it\u2019s time to get back to work, watching movies and making snide remarks about them. Man, this job is tough. Did you miss me? I\u2019ll pretend you said \u201cyes.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-87357","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-local-news"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.saipantribune.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/87357","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.saipantribune.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.saipantribune.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.saipantribune.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.saipantribune.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=87357"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.saipantribune.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/87357\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.saipantribune.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=87357"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.saipantribune.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=87357"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.saipantribune.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=87357"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}