Jeff Schorr’s takeover

Saipan, December 24, 1998, 12: 00 A.M.— Fireworks suddenly thundered overhead, inaugurating Christmas day and heralding the new year. “It’s Iraq!” someone yelled out in jest. Amused, I let out a joyous laugh and declared, “It’s an impeachment diversion, Jeff.”

“It’s the beginning of the federal takeover,” Jeff retorted, beaming at the very prospect, like the proverbial little kid in a candy store, or the hedonist in a brothel.

Hmm. It was a curious irony.

OIA Field Rep. Jeff Schorr was busily engaged in a game of ma-jong, some kind of Chinese game of chance, I believe. (Presumably, Jeff wasn’t gambling with money, which would naturally be quite illegal.) He appeared to be having a grand old time, sandwiched there between two attractive, young Chinese ladies (presumably of legal status, of course.)

Jeff seemed a bit surprised to see me. Naturally, he wasn’t expecting me: I crashed the party.

It turned out to be an interesting coincidence. Earlier that day I bumped into one of the good guys at the DFS Galleria.

“Why do we keep inviting Jeff Schorr to all of these public and private functions?” I asked SGMA representative Richard Pierce. “We keep inviting him, giving him the benefit of the doubt, hoping that he might finally see through the issues and sympathize with our natural developmental problems. Yet Interior continues to remain both hostile and intransigent. It’s clearly of no use. We should just stop inviting him.”

To be sure, Jeff Schorr has been here for quite awhile. He has had plenty of time to become acutely aware of our situation. But he’s not. He still favors a federal takeover of our immigration and minimum wage.

And yet there he was — at a Christmas eve party, with other mainland American men, enjoying the company of mainland Chinese women. What would his boss Mr. Stayman think? What would George Miller say?

Those who wish to stop the Chinese and other foreigners from coming have no fine appreciation of the kind of immensely valuable, highly worthwhile and joyous inter cultural interactions Jeff Schorr is now experiencing. You see, at least Jeff now knows how to play ma-jong. If there had been a federal takeover earlier, this might never have happened. And what a tragedy that would have been!