Click it into the next millennium

All set to head into the next 100 years (millennium), I packed good old faithful (typewriter) and bid adieu to a piece of equipment so dear to all journalists. Technology certainly has a way of replacing the “now” fad from appliances to walkman and regular telephone units. This shift from the old ways would definitely be supplanted by the newest innovations brought to us by the Information Technology.

But I’d like to tame the convenient by-products of technology down to our lifestyle in an island setting. Here goes:

We didn’t like the Department of Interior’s policy that would compromise our inalienable rights to self-government and force abject poverty among islanders. We clicked and dumped in the trash can. It’s gone, history!

The Northern Marianas College developed a technology to literally see miles and miles of schools of fish in our 200 mile economic zone. And the program even includes bring the entire school into an invisible net for harvesting. Tuna is caught, run through a hi-tech fish cleaning facility, packed into a container, whished to the airport and off to Tokyo and Beijing for auctioning. The technology is typhoon proof and turns rough seas into history. We made money, the Japanese and Chinese had their fish and everybody threatened to live happily ever after.

Information Technology allowed both sectors to do business by the click of a mouse. The governor wants an expert advice from the private sector, he clicks. Conversely, if the other side needs to have a better reading of trends in the public sector, they click. Shopping online turned into an instant click. E-mailing completely rendered the role of the US Postal Service useless. One need only click a message. House wives no longer must cook, wash clothes or dishes manually. It’s all a click.

The Public School System was fully wired to the IT. Kids no longer report to school for their lessons. It’s a click and when in doubt, they can repeat the same lesson via their family pcs. The same with NMC’s students. It’s cyberclassrooms right at home. Scholars no longer must travel off-island for their college education.
It’s all done in the comfort of their home. It’s click, click and more clicks.

CHC too is wired into the IT. A doctor talks to specialists on the screen between here, Honolulu, and elsewhere. The backup system in the operation, recovery and ICU is such that a nurse or doctor clicks and monitors patients in his office or while at home. When something goes wrong, he clicks the nurse and the nurse in turn clicks medication or the ventillator to aid the patient with oxygen, etc. Sooner than later, the patient walks out nice and healthy after being clicked back to health.

Yes, I lived the full benefits that the IT brought to this tiny isle. In my twilights years, I can’t climb a coconut for a drink or lower my tuba bottle. Guess what…I clicked it, amigo. I even sent St.Peter and Lucifer an e-mail with that magical click to find out whose manifest has my name on it for my ETD and ETA. Eh, I only forgot one thing: One of my zories was missing because my handsome puppy took it to the neighbor. Pissed, I clicked his body clock to a zero. What trip to the next millennium, now!

Lingo…tango…ooops!

• A friend had his first experience eating at a restaurant. As the waitress took everybody’s order, his turn finally came. Quizzed the waitress: “And you, sir, how would you like your eggs?” Said he: “I like it very much”.

• A kanaka braddah asked another: “Eh, what’s da kine opposite north?” Came the quck reply: “It’s that way braddah” pointing south. Said his friend: “No, bro, I didn’t for ask for da kine direction, but opposites, bro, yeah?” Eh, da bugga he thinks he for smart too.

• When Lake Susupe professors or scientists see you struggling on anything, they usually say things like “Don’t Quit”. But then someone else suggested “You better quit while you’re ahead”. Either they or the other guy is confused or is it my ripe breadfruit brain?