Cross examination continued . . .

Independent counsel: US Congressman Finks, are you aware that US-based retail clothing buyers regularly inspect the living and working conditions of CNMI textile factory workers?

Finks: Ah, no, well, I really never fully considered that matter. But I am sure sweatshops still exist.

IC: So I take it, then, that you are not aware that the CNMI has been officially declared and certified to be sweatshop free?

Congressman Finks: Well, now, I wouldn’t go that far. The fact of the matter is, we are dealing with an ‘outrageous US taxpayer and consumer rip-off’ here. These ‘goods are shipped into the US duty-free–at a cost to US taxpayers of over $200 million a year.

IC: Congressman, exactly how are US consumers ‘ripped off’ by CNMI garment imports? Do American consumers pay more for CNMI-made garments than they would if those garments were made in the US mainland?

Congressman Rat W. Finks: Why, no, I suppose that, given higher US labor costs, the American consumer would be ripped off even more by being unfairly forced to buy uncompetitive American products.

IC: Congressman, you just now mentioned that the US taxpayer is being ripped off by CNMI garment operations–is that correct, sir?

The ‘Honorable’ Mr. Finks: Hell, yes–because those Pacific island bastards are taking advantage of an unfair ‘loophole’ that allows them to circumvent US customs duties and tariffs.

IC: Who created that legal “loophole,” sir? Is it the CNMI’s fault?

Rat Finks: Well, no, we did. We created that loophole. The federal government did it.

IC: Why would we go off and do a stupid thing like that, sir, only to gripe about it many years later?

Congressman Finks: Well, I suppose we wanted them to be more self-sufficient, you know, less dependent on the US taxpayer.

IC: And have they become more self-sufficient, sir? More so than Puerto Rico, the US Virgin Islands, American Samoa, Truk, and the rest of Micronesia?

Finks (stammering): Uh, um, gee, well . . . yes, but I could hardly–I mean, but, damn it, they are still ripping off the US taxpayer by depriving us of vital import tariff revenues!

IC: But, Congressman, what about the old Trust Territory days on up until the islanders achieved an unprecedented degree of economic self-sufficiency? I mean, where they not also ripping off the US taxpayer then, by forcing us to subsidize their entire economy with federal funds derived from the backs off our taxpayers at home?

Finks (angry): Well, yes, but that was different!

IC: Really, how is it different, sir. Please tell me how. I would be very interested to know.

Finks: The time has come to shut down this scam on Saipan. This scam is estimated to destroy–destroy, mind you, destroy–more than 20,000 American jobs per year!

IC: Sir, please correct me if I am wrong, but isn’t America in economic bliss right now, with record low unemployment, strong growth, high productivity, a soaring stock market, low inflation, and little trouble in sight? Are you aware, moreover, that the CNMI is the one with the troubled economy and high unemployment, as our own
Interior Department attests?

Finks (leaping out of his chair): Damn you, sir, I am going to destroy the CNMI with the help of my labor union cronies and the US media if it’s the last thing I do!

Strictly a personal view. Charles Reyes Jr. is a regular columnist of Saipan Tribune. Mr. Reyes may be reached at charlesraves@hotmail.com