Thongs for Throngs

This from the Wall Street Journal: “Thong underwear…is beginning a run to unseat the brief as the under apparel of choice for U.S. women.”

The WSJ, knowing an important story when it sees one, dedicated a page one article to its on-line edition, “How Thong Underwear Managed To Win Over a Mainstream Market,” scribed by WSJ staffer Asra Q. Nomani.

Since you depend on me, your intrepid columnist, to bring you the really important news, I delved into this story. Evidently, the thong trend has been creeping up from behind in America, and is now part of mainstream garment industry.

Even Wal-Mart sells thong panties now. The WSJ mentions that fact to illustrate how mainstream the thong trend has become. From a business perspective, it’s legitimate news. But I’m a bit unnerved by it. You see, I’ve seen a fairly good cross section of Wal-Marts and the people who shop in them. I have a difficult time meshing such scenes with the lean and racy image the thong represents. Frankly, it is a terrifying thought.

Indeed, thong underpanties will soon be hanging out on laundry lines in every American trailer park. To take a line from Joe Conrad, “The horror. The horror.”

Maybe he’s been to Wal-Mart too.

Women’s fashion is a financial mystery. The less fabric involved, the higher the costs. Skimpy stuff costs more than substantial stuff. Why is that? Men’s clothes aren’t that way. A trench coat costs more than a tee shirt, right? It makes perfect sense to me.

But for women’s fashion, it’s axiomatic that thong underpants must cost more per pound than any other type of underpants. This is something our garment industry should heed. After all, shipping costs from Saipan to the mainland are a major expense, so why not ship out stuff with the maximum value per pound? A single 40-foot shipping container could probably hold a million thong underpants.

“Nationally, thongs account for about 1-in-18 of all women’s underwear sales, up from 1-in-34 just three years ago,” says the WSJ article. So in percentage terms, thongs rose from three percent of the market to 5.5 percent. That’s almost doubling within three years.

Wal-Mart isn’t the only store following the trend, of course. “Lane Bryant, the Reynoldsburg, Ohio-based midpriced national retailer for larger-sized women, added plus-size thongs, up to size 15, to its racks,” says the WSJ. Uh…well…whatever.

The thong thing, you may recall, was part of the Monica-gate scandal, when Monica bared her buns for the Prez. The WSJ takes note of this fact. The cigar trend is, of course, also in full swing. Looks like Monica is setting the tone for our trends. Maybe Wal-Mart will put the rack of Swisher Sweet cigars next to the size 87 thong underpants.

Oh, the horror. The horror.

Stephens is an economist with Stephens Corporation, a professional organization in the NMI. His column appears three time a week: Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. Mr. Stephens can be contacted via the following e-mail address:ed4Saipan@yahoo.com.