“Crazy Lang”

I have a great campaign idea for Former Governor Froilan C. Tenorio. When he runs for governor in the year 2001, I should be his campaign manager–since I have the perfect angle for his television commercials.

This brilliant idea came to me when Lang finally admitted that anybody who wants to run for governor in the next gubernatorial election has to be crazy, insane, nuts, and totally out of his mind. And since the former governor naturally wants to run, he too must be loony.

This is the perfect message for the former governor to be conveying at this point. This is precisely what Froilan should be communicating to his potential gubernatorial rivals.

Juan Nekai Babauta, Jesse Camacho Borja and Jesus R. “Peppero” Sablan: beware! Lang is crazy. Do you gentlemen really want to compete with a crazy man?

Froilan’s competitors have to think that he is crazy, unsound and extremely mentally unstable. This is a form of psychological warfare. Former Governor Froilan C. Tenorio is practicing psych-ops (or psychological operations, in military parlance).

This is part of the “Art of War.” It is essentially no different from what the U.S. federal government did to Manny Noriega in Panama, or to the Branch Dividian compound in Waco, Texas, when they blared deafening heavy metal music to harass their quarry. The other side clearly has to be intimidated no matter what.

And what could be more intimidating–more frightening–than a man with a few screws loose? Why, there’s no telling what such a man might be capable of doing.

And why the hell not? Why shouldn’t Froilan pursue such a shrewd strategy? After all, Lang has already laid the groundwork for this crazy business.

Wasn’t it Mark Broadhurst–who later worked for Lang– who called Froilan Tenorio “Typhoon Lang”?

Froilan Tenorio should pattern himself after “Crazy Eddie.” Remember “Crazy Eddie”? Remember that famous “Crazy Eddie” commercial back in the 1980s?

“Crazy Eddie” was so crazy he would slash his prices to ridiculously low levels. He was a ranting and raving lunatic with a sledge hammer, demolishing television sets and other consumer electronics.

Lang should use the same commercial for his television campaign spots in 2001. Bruce Lloyd could produce it. It should be called “Crazy Lang.” Except, instead of demolishing stereos and T.V. sets, Froilan should be smashing glass symbols with a baseball bat.

Imagine a glass likeness of Al Stayman marked “federal takeover.” Lang could smash that in his political commercials.

It wouldn’t be just Lang alone on the set, of course. Some of his close friends and advisors could be on the set as well, helping him trash items. Antonio R. Cabrera, David Cahn, Kurt Burkhart, Brenda Tenorio, and Chico Hiraga, for example, could all be bringing up these symbolic items for Lang to smash. One glass object might read “high taxes.” Lang could smash that with glee.

How about it, “Crazy Lang”? I like it already.

I’m voting for Crazy Lang.