Looking forward through January and beyond

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, folks, but the month of January isn’t looking so good for film buffs on Saipan. All of the major studio releases this month are typified by inexperienced and/or hack writers and directors.

The only movie that’s really a garauntee to make it to our theater is Elektra (Jan 14th), the superhero spinoff of Daredevil. Elektra, starring Jennifer Garner (known best from the TV series Alias), might actually end up being a halfway decent brainless action flick, as it’s directed by Rob Bowman, of Reign of Fire. All of the other movies being released in January are too small to give us any idea of whether they’ll make it to our theater, but we shouldn’t feel left out if any of them don’t – none of them look too promising.

There are three horror movies—White Noise (Jan 7th), Alone in the Dark (Jan 28th), and Hide and Seek (Jan 28th). Alone in the Dark, starring Christian Slater (I thought he was dead), is an adaptation of a video game. It has a rookie director and writer, and as of yet, there have not been any video game movies worth watching. White Noise has a director making his feature film debut, but perhaps more telling of how much this movie will probably stink is the fact that it’s being released on Jan 7th—that means the studio has absolutely no confidence in its potential for success. Of the three horror movies, the one that seems least likely to stink up the screen is Hide and Seek, as it’s directed by John Polson, of Swimfan, and stars Robert DeNiro.

There are two comedies in January. Racing Stripes, the story of a Zebra who wants to race against thouroughbread horses, will most likely be on Saipan on Jan 14th. Its director and writers are all rookies, and the movie appears to be targeted specifically at young children. Are we there Yet? may or may not make it to Saipan on Jan 21st. Personally, I’m not exactly looking forward to it, anyway. In Are We There Yet? Ice Cube tries his hand at the hammed up slapstick humor of Chevy Chase, in what appears to be an updated version of Vacation. Are We There Yet? is directed by Brian Levant, whose only previous credit is Snow Dog—a terrible movie. Six different writers are credited, which is usually a very bad sign.

Really, the only movies that look like they maybe might be okay are a pair that, I’m afraid to say, probably won’t make it here. Coach Carter, starring Sam Jackson, is the true story of a high school basketball coach who benched his undefeated team because their grades were too low. Coach Carter has a pair of hack writers, but it’s directed by Thomas Carter, a TV veteran who also directed Metro. If Coach Carter does make it to Saipan, it’ll be here on Jan 14th.
Assault on Precinct 13, scheduled for release on Wed, Jan. 19th, is a remake of a 1964 John Carpenter movie. It’s written by James DeMonaco, whose previous film credit, The Negotiator, shows he can write an intelligent script. Assault on Precinct 13 stars Ethan Hawke, Laurence Fishburne and JaRule, and tells the story of a group of police officers and inmates that have to band together to hold off a nighttime assault on the police station they’re holed up in.

Summer and Beyond

With nothing much to look forward to in January, I usually find myself looking a little further ahead, this time of year. Too early to look forward to this coming summer’s releases? Nonsense. I’m already counting the days until Indiana Jones 4, in 2006.

The summer blockbuster season begins early, this year, with XXX: State of the Union, on April 29th. Ice Cube replaces Vin Diesel, as the bad-boy superspy, in the sequel to XXX. The really big movies don’t start until May, however, with Star Wars Episode III, on May 19th, and The Hitchhikers’ Guide to the Galaxy, on May 6th. Younger folk might not be familiar with The Hitchhikers’ Guide, but the grey-hairs out there know all about the book and movie it is a remake of. We also get a couple superhero movies, this summer, with The Fantastic Four, on July 1st, and Batman Begins, on Jun 17th.

A couple of directors return to the franchises that made them famous, this fall. George Romero, after a long departure from Hollywood, returns to write and direct Land of the Dead (Oct 21st), the fourth movie in his “of the Dead” series. Martin Campbell is not a well known director, but he did direct The Mask of Zorro, and that is a pretty sweet movie. He returns, to direct The Legend of Zorro, slated for release on Nov 4th. In addition to Campbell, most of the cast returns, including Catherine Zeta-Jones and Antonio Banderas.

What am I most looking forward to? In addition to Star Wars, of course, I’m eagerly awaiting four movies from three of the greatest directors. Steven Speilberg is directing a remake of The War of the Worlds, starring Tom Cruise (Jun 29th). Peter Jackson (Lord of the Rings) is directing a remake of King Kong, starring Jack Black (Dec. 14th). And, there are two movies coming from Tim Burton, both of which are starring Johnny Depp. On July 15th, Depp takes the role of Willy Wonka in Tim Burton’s remake of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Then, on Sep. 23rd, Burton takes us back to the animated world, in The Corpse Bride. This will be the first time for Burton to direct a feature-length animation (he produced, but didn’t direct Nightmare Before Christmas), and I can’t wait to see what wild creations his imagination will produce. (Joe Weindl)

Comments? E-mail Weindl at joewatchesmovies@yahoo.com.