Guns, liberty, individualism

During the Christmas shopping season last year, I walked into a toy store in an American mall. After thoroughly looking around for a Christmas gift for my favorite nephew, exasperated, I finally had to ask a sales-clerk for help: “Where are your toy guns located? I can’t seem to find one anywhere.”

“No” she said, with an air of self-righteous, pompous indignation, “I am afraid we don’t sell those things here.”

“Why not?” I asked, astounded.

“Well,” she replied, in a manner suggesting a stupid question on my part, “our store is socially responsible toward children and the greater society at large. We don’t like to promote violence.”

“Promote violence?” I repeated, incredulously.

“Lady, I was brought up on toy guns. How could a young lad grow up without ever cradling a toy rifle affectionately in his arms? That’s unhealthy. That’s just unacceptable. A little boy without a toy rifle is a lot like a little girl without a Barbie doll. Why, that’s just not right.”

“I am sorry,” she repeated, “We just don’t believe in violence.”

“Violence? Look, I am not a violent man. On the contrary, guns build character. They promote self-reliance and build self-esteem. They advance the protection of sacred private property rights, and foster an uplifting sense of rugged individualism and independence.

“Can’t you put them behind the counter for parents who wish to purchase them for their stable, mature children? That is, after a two-week waiting period and a complete child psychological examination, of course.”

Far too many people erroneously think of guns as inherently evil and destructive. When they think of guns, they think of death–of war, crime and disaster.

But as I conceive it, guns are actually life affirming tools. They also protect life and property. Whenever I fire a rifle, it actually gives me a great high, a tremendous feeling of life affirmation and the realization of the sanctity of man’s life. (I just love that crackling, reverberating sound of rifle fire at a firing range.)

Merely to contemplate the potential of death at the end of the barrel seems to somehow reinforce the life force that is consciously, deliberately, pulling that trigger. It is a curious phenomenon; something I feel is innately, inextricably, intertwined with the whole idea of freedom–the Second Amendment of the Bill of Rights, the founding fathers of the American Revolution of 1776.

Also, there is the powerful, rather uplifting notion that this rifle, right here in my hands, is capable of killing any living animal on earth—-be it an elephant, a tiger, or a deer. No matter how large, quick, or ferocious an animal, man can kill it, with this here weapon here. And that speaks to me in a rather metaphysical way—-a way that suggests man’s inherent superiority here on earth, as well as in the entire universe, particularly when you consider much more powerful arsenals, such as nukes against incoming asteroids.

I was prompted to write about guns today, because a friend had sent me the following e-mail yesterday. It is purportedly an excerpt from a recent live interview on an undisclosed radio station. A female newscaster is interviewing the leader of a youth club.

Female reporter: So, Mr. Jones, what are you going to do with these children on this adventure holiday?

Mr. Jones: We’re going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, shooting….

Female reporter: Shooting! That’s a bit irresponsible, isn’t it?

Mr. Jones: I don’t see why, they’ll be properly supervised on the range.

Female reporter: Don’t you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

Mr. Jones: I don’t see how, we will be teaching them proper range discipline before they even touch a firearm.

Female reporter: But you’re training, and equipping them to become violent killers.

Mr. Jones: Well, you are fully trained and equipped to be a prostitute, but you are not one, are you?