Proposed amendments on state funeral

Senator Juan P. Tenorio (Morgen) is reworking the state funeral law to put some common decency into who is granted such accolade among elected public officials. It’s about time that the law is amended to limit such service only to deserving public servants. Under current provisions of law, any Tom, Dick and Harry who’s elected into office, is entitled to such state service, including police officers and firemen.

A stringent criteria should be set to determine who merits such state service. Being a legislator isn’t sufficient a reason to extend such accolades when he or she expires. We need to know just exactly what did you do that substantially benefited or improved the livelihood of a majority of the people of these islands. If this is the focus of such criteria, most legislators and municipal councilmen would find out in the end that they too have contributed to redundancy in government.

Redundancy in this case simply means that you were a member of our legislative institution who did nothing but occupied a fully air-conditioned cubicle raking-in your loot for looking important. In other words, you’ve allowed yourself to fall into the last category of the three kinds of people: those who didn’t know what happen. And you still think you deserve a state funeral? How about reputable teachers, nurses, doctors, and other members of the Northern Marianas Community who have really made a difference in the development of these islands?

We need to take a glimpse of the purpose of this statute beyond massaging our overblown ego. Every penny spent for this purpose is shouldered royally by taxpayers across these isles. Give the taxpayers a break for I frankly can’t stomach the notion that just because you worked up a full moon around your waistline qualifies you to spend my tax contribution. No sir! You must earn every ounce of it!

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I remember attending several state funerals which involved the traditional wake. I have nothing against such traditional custom, but I swear to God there were two things that needed attention: 1). A state funeral involving a wake must include embalming the body in advance. 2). The eulogy must be limited to one speaker.

There I was stretching my tolerance level as flies gather on the face of the gentleman in state. The wind whips across the facility carrying powerful stench from the decomposing body. The family sprayed Giorgio Armani perfume into the air to lessen the strange odor to no avail. I’m sure the person in state must be equally embarrassed by the situation.

We had to endure a three hour ceremony before internment finally took place. The delay was in the dozen of eulogies given by every Tom, Dick and Harry who wanted to put in his two cents bit. Man, what redundancy! I literally memorized everything that there was to know about a guy I don’t even know whose funeral I must attend as required of state protocol. That was the end of my attendance of state funerals. No mas!

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At any rate, those who deserve such state service must be granted forthwith. Those who don’t, as per a more stringent criteria, must humbly swallow their pride. Save the taxpayers from political bilking. None deserve such wasteful spending anyway. Otherwise, open it up to every Tom, Dick and Harry, including criminals who feel abused in their cells.