Parenting “as we know it” has changed

It is a healthy exercise to urge parents, through discussion groups, to take an active role in the welfare of their children for obvious reasons. But hardly have we given any thought to the changing roles of parents from a one income earner household to two income earners so forced upon us by changes in our lifestyles.

Gone are the days when a single parent’s income is adequate to support a family of eight or sixteen. Those were the golden days when they didn’t have to pay mortgage on the first family home, assorted insurance from fire, health, life, auto, flood and marine insurance. Nor did they have to worry about the cost of transportation in that most of the people live in Chalan Kanoa and local government workers catch the NTTU bus to and from work daily for free.

The mode of private transportation then is either a GI jeep or pick-up (World War II relics) auctioned by the Navy. Otherwise, it’s the traditonal bullcart that heads out to the family farm at dawn. At the ranch, we eat homegrown taro, corn, tapioca, yam, sweet potatoes and bananas with fresh chicken, port, beef, goat or the humble meal of canned sardine or mackerel, fruits and vegetables. There’s no room to build your belly into a Pillsbury’s Dough Boy. We were industrious, agile and healthy too.

But our lifestyles have changed from subsistence living to the conveniences that a money economy brought to these isles. Little did we know that this rat race would force both parents to find employment somewhere. Otherwise, the mortgage for the first family home may never be paid, followed by repossession by the MIHC (formerly MIHA) or the banks. This setback is further aggravated by other obligations such as health and life insurance, fire, flood, auto-insurance and bond if per chance you have a live-in maid. This doesn’t include expenses for school bags and supplies, food and clothing for the entire clan. In short, the demands of modernity on parenting is far more challenging than meets the eye.

When both parents return from a hectic day at work, they must carry-on where the house maid left off. It really demands that they learn how to budget quality time so that they don’t compromise their obligations for their children. While one makes sure the kids are showered and fed, the other checks if they have completed their homework. This obligation is made even more challenging as kids reach puberty or adolescence and try to break out on their own. They are basically good kids who try to pitch-in, but are now at the very fragile stage in their growth and development. It’s a difficult period.

In the process, traditional family values were replaced by fads and fancy of modernity, including permissiveness. That seems to set the stage for new set of values among our young people. As a result, we see a meteoric rise in teenage pregnancy and we add salt to injury by boasting that the kid will soon “make me a grandpa or grandma” and we smile from ear to ear as though it is perfectly a well accepted norm. Some of these kids are turned over to live-in-maids who watch them eight hours a day. And we giggle nervously when we hear him or her count one through ten in Tagalog. What about their native tongue? Screw it, they have classes to learn the vernacular.

Parenting is a difficult task which goes beyond “the kid will soon make me a grandpa or grandma” syndrome. Unless we budget quality time to spend with our children during their formative years, we would be the first to pull your ears when he or she turns a future of hope into ruination or helplessness. Perhaps we can begin by teaching them to chew their food first before swallowing it. Or that in order to have a successful future, one must make the personal sacrifice of learning lifetime skills. It’s the single most lasting reward that you can assist your children with as they chart their own future with you by their side as their buddy or coach.
Think about it. It would make for better and productive kids.