On the lighter side

Respect: While my wife was preparing lunch the other day, I headed to the farm to pick some mango. As I was turning the corner, I noticed there were visitors doing what I came to do–pick mango. I stayed cool and joined them. After the casual felicitation, they continued picking their share when one of them asked:

“Excuse me, sir, did you ask permission to pick mango here?” I quickly said “no”. He persisted: “You know, if you didn’t get permission then what you’re doing is stealing!” Again, I quickly lipped “you’re right”. He trailed behind me insisting that I first seek permission.

I looked at him straight in the eye and said: “How could I when this is my property and you never even had the common decency to ask me permission yourself?” They were surprise to know that I am the landowner. They hastily dropped their small sacks and headed into the boonies. I was like “Whatever happened to respect for property?” But then I noticed that the kids were from nearby San Antonio which says it all. No contest!

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When “No” is “Yes”: As I was reviewing the story on the firing of CRM helmsman Felipe Q. Atalig for alleged sexual harassment, I took a quick review of a word that we’ve used since time immemorial which must have contributed into the well honed “Billy Goat” behavior that we find in most local males.

It’s the word “No”, which in English simply means no! In other words, in the western culture, a “no” is a “no” and there’s no two ways about it either. Here in the islands, a “no” is an actual “yes”. If you speak the vernacular, the question asked is ended with the positive self-affirmation “no”.

Be that as it may, guys: Learn to listen to the words of a woman equally endowed with dignity and honor as you test out your mid-life crisis for young firm bodies. This is a case where you must employ the cells of your bigger head. And this is a case where a “No” is a “No”! There’s no room for a Billy Goat stint lest you’d end up before a magistrate struggling to answer why sexual harassment, yeah? And no matter the grand excuse that it’s cultural, eh, da bugga he no like listening da kine answer and he for send you for da kine jail house braddah!

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No Smoking: An uncle urged the boys at the picnic table to quit smoking. Everybody was listening as he explained why. He said that heaven is a complete smoke-free place and if you wish to continue smoking, the man at the pearly gate would send you where Lucifer puffs his expensive Cuban cigar 24 hours a day–hell. (Laughter).

I started imagining the slide at the patio where they push smokers to join the smoke squad in Lucifer’s towering inferno. I understand too that you can return to the pearly gate but it takes an entire lifetime on planet earth to reach it. You’d have to climb the roughest mountain between heaven and hell. As you pace up the hill, you’d be entertained by the deadly wails of others being pushed down the slide heading for the smoking section. A` Saina! A question of choice, yeah?

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Curbing Expenses: A powerless grassroots friend related: “You know, there was austerity, then came ‘mysterity’, now there’s dexterity”. I asked him to explain dexterity. He said it’s the “hybrid of the first two policies which were both ignored”. A` Saina!