Wisdom from the hip

Test, one, two…Ahem…

Members of the Class of ‘99:

I’m sorry that your scheduled speaker couldn’t make it today. NATO claims that the laser bomb that hit Gualo Rai was due to a targeting error. I was on the other side of the island and someone asked if I could say a few words to you for your commencement.

So here I am, without benefit of a prepared script. I did bring, however, a resolve to try and pass on some practical advice, instead of the vapid gibberish that is conventionally dispensed at these affairs.

I offer for your consideration–and in more or less random order–the following insights to help you prepare for the outside world. Some are home grown. Most probably came from other people, though I forget names and attributions:

It’s an IBM compatible world. Forget the Mac.

You can have two kingdoms: What you do, and what you own. Some people have both. Many have neither.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Change your oil and filter every 3,000 miles.

Murphy’s Law is as valid today as it was in past years: Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.

To “think” and to “believe” are not the same thing, but the two verbs are often used interchangeably. This is the most dangerous semantic flaw in the English language. Beware of it.

Don’t work for people you don’t like. It NEVER pays off.

You can learn all the trigonometry you need to know in 25 minutes.

Life is easier on those who can enjoy peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

You can judge a person by his calculator.

You can also judge a person by where he goes in a book store.

Never trust a man who parts his hair in the middle or his name on the side.

If you save just a little money each week, in ten years you’ll be surprised
at how little you have. Better to save as much as you possible can during the good times.

People who work sitting down make more than those who work standing up.

If you’re not the lead dog, the view never changes.

A man marries a woman because he thinks she won’t change. A woman marries a man because she things he will change.

Some days are star-crossed from the very start. On these days, it’s better to avoid all responsibilities.

Amazon.com really is the wave of the future, in spite of all the people who claim it’s the wave of the future.

Ignore Y2K. It’s a bogie man.

…and there you have it. No profound, sweeping, comprehensive philosophies. No grand themes. We’re forced to tackle things a breath at a time. Most Big Ideas are trickery anyway, and you’ll find that the happiest people are those who don’t sweat too many abstractions.
Stephens is an economist with Stephens Corporation, a professional organization in the NMI. His column appears three time a week: Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. Mr. Stephens can be contacted via the following e-mail address:ed4Saipan@yahoo.com.