Laugh-A-Lot ! By:Anthony Pellegrino

Happy Fourth of July to you all! Let’s start the day with a bit of good humor. It helps the soul. I hope you enjoy these as much as I have.

Why God never received a PhD….

1. He had only one major publication.

2. Some even doubt he wrote it himself.

3. He never applied to the ethics board for permission to use human species.

4. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it by drowning his subjects.

S When subjects didn’t behave as predicated, he deleted them from the sample.

6. He rarely came to class, just told his students to read the book.

7. He expelled his first two students for learning.

8. Although there were only 10 requirements, all of his students failed.

9. His office offices were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.

10. Some say he had his Son teach the class.

Kids Say the Darnest Things….

1. The parts of speech are lungs and air.

2. The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.

3. The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

4. The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom.

5. The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 opossums.

6. Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.

7. Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.

8. A census taker is a man who goes from house to house increasing the population.

9. A person should take a bath once in the summer, not so often in the winter.

10. Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.

Humorous Trivia…

1. A pig’s orgasm lasts 30 minutes.

2. Banging your head on the wall uses 150 calories an hour.

3. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

4. You can’t kill yourself by holding your breath.

5. Americans on the average eat 18 acres of pizza daily.

6. An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.

7 Butterflies taste with their feet.

8. The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the males head off.

9. Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.

10. A cat’s urine glows under a black light.

Student Excuses From Parents ( including spelling)…

1. Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.

2. Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault.

3. Sally won’t be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

4. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

5. Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

6. Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

7. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

8. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

The Following Were Taken From Recent Classified Ads…

1. Amana Washer $100. Owned by a Clean Bachelor Who Seldom Washed.

2. Free Puppies…Part German Shepherd-Part Dog.

3. Cows, Calves never bred… Also 1 gay bull for sale.

4. Free Puppies…cocker spaniel and sneaky neighbor’s dog.

5. Full sized mattress. 20 yr. warranty. Like new, slight urine smell.

6. Free Farm kittens. Ready to eat.

7. Nice parachute: never opened- used once, slightly stained.

8. Joining nudist colony! Must sell washer and dryer.

Have a wonderful day. Hope to see you back to work tomorrow.
B