Just Plane Expensive

One of the CNMI’s mottos should be: “You can’t get there from here.”

Airlines that haven’t already left or cut back service are getting treated to fee increases by the Commonwealth Ports Authority; the Tinian runway expansion necessary to ensure the survival of the Tinian Dynasty Hotel and Casino has yet to materialize; and a mere round trip to Guam costs $149 round trip on Air Micronesia.

Do you ever feel sort of stuck out here? I do.

Fortunately, the 1999 “Purchase Planning Handbook” from Business & Commercial Aviation (known by the pros as “B/CA”) magazine arrived on my desk. I’m happy to report that you can easily afford a spiffy aircraft of your own to fly you around the islands, and you’ll no longer be at the mercy of whatever airlines are crazy enough to remain here. There’s only one catch: You’ve got to be really, really rich.

With such enlightened economic policies being pursued here, though, I’m confident we’ll all be mighty rich any day now. Judging from all the nice Nissan Pathfinders parked in front of the As Lito food stamp office, even the poor are rich. That’s pretty good, eh?

But let’s say the Pathfinder is in the shop (getting a better stereo installed) and a trip to As Lito still needs to be made. What then? Well, how about a helicopter, which would also be ideal for jaunts to Tinian and any other island you’d care to explore.

A Bell JetRanger, which is sort of the family sedan of helicopters, will run you only $791,120. You’d need to add about $100 thousand in additional equipment to make it suitable for island life. If you were to finance the chopper, say for an even $900 thousand, on a 10-year note at 9 percent interest, you’d have a payment of just $11,401 per month. Of course, that’s just for the aircraft; if you’re going to actually use it you’ve got to pay for insurance, a pilot, a mechanic, and all sorts of operating costs. But, in turn, you’d get to fly around four passengers at speeds of around 130 mph.

That’s not bad for inter-island travel, but some bigger iron is needed for jaunts to, say, Tokyo.

Sounds like a Learjet would be the ticket for that. A Lear 60 is listed at just over $11 million, which would come to a mere $139,343 per month based on a 10 year, 9 percent loan. A fair price to pay for a plane that can seat anywhere from six to 10 passengers and that zips around at a fast cruise of about 517 mph. Tokyo, Seoul, and Manila would all be within range, no problem.

$11 million for a small jet–whaddya’, nuts?–you may ask. Well, a lot of people and companies are buying these things, and $11 million isn’t the top of the line. Top of the line is the Gulfstream V, which is priced at $39.5 million. And these things really do exist. I once worked for a guy in California who owned a Gulfstream IV–which is a bit smaller than the Gulfstream V–and he paid $24 million for his. (He was also a horrifically to work for. Go figure).
As for me, though I emulate his stinginess, the wealth has yet to follow. This slick edition of the 1999 B/CA Purchase Planning Handbook will have to join last year’s handbook on my bookshelf, where they will both gather dust. Sigh…looks like I’ll have to fly Air Mike to Guam after all. Economy class. As usual.