Earthquake on Capitol Hill

There was a news flash on the television screen as I listened to the meteorologist explain various weather conditions around the country.

Newscaster: “This just in…a political earthquake has seriously jolted the White House only this time it isn’t about sex, but about overt political activities of thugs at the U.S. Department of Interior’s Office of Insolent Affairs and Sir Jeffrey Farrow. We will give you more details in our 10 p.m. newscast. Stay tuned”.

I wasn’t sure what to make of the news flash, so I grabbed a beer from the refrigerator and sipped it slowly as anxiety goes on high gear. Two hours later the newscaster returned:

“The U.S. Congress has subpoenaed various documents and computers from
the Department of Interior and Jeffrey Farrow’s White House Office on information that two or more of its staff people may have used their time and office resources (all paid for by US taxpayers) on a witch hunt to destroy the political career of key members of Congress.

“The genesis of this controversy started several years ago when former OIA helmsman Allen Stayman attempted to seek congressional approval of reform’ measures to deny the Northern Marianas control over immigration, including the imposition of federal minimum wage.

“The islanders have fought OIA’s agenda every inch of the way saying it would completely ruin what they have built from scratch over the last 53 years. OIA’s Stayman refuses to speak to us (news reporter running after Stayman who quickly locked himself in one of Capitol Hill’s restrooms).

Reporter: “Sir, do you acknowledge or deny allegations of your overt political activities regarding key members of Congress sympathetic to the NMI?'” No answer was forthcoming while cameraman zooms-in on Stayman picking-up his feet from the restroom floor.

Outside on the steps of the U.S. House of Representatives stood Congressman George Miller waiting for his ride when quizzed by the news reporter:

“Sir, we understand that you’re the staunchest anti-NMI member of Congress dancing to the whims of big textile labor unions even to the extent where the livelihood of islanders in the NMI (all US Citizens) may be destroyed altogether. Isn’t your forte` about human rights and can you explain why your shifty and punitive attitude?

Miller: “I happen to represent the capital of garment manufacturing in California. I must protect jobs for the people who elect me into office. It’s the interest of my constituents at stake in this controversy”.

Reporter: “Sir, when you say ‘constituents’, who are you referring to?–labor unions who evidently have bankrolled your political career and is it a responsible thing to do to ruin the economic livelihood of a group of US Citizens who aren’t even represented in Congress?”

Miller: “So who gives a damn about the fate of those people. There are only 60,000 of them out there!”

Reporter: “But you’re highly reputed as a human rights advocate…why would you stampede the weak and unrepresented in favor of finger-snap demands from labor unions? Do I detect a discrepancy for what you stand for on human rights versus the total contradiction by your very actions, sir?”

Miller: “No comment”. Miffed, blushing, he silently remarked: “If it wasn’t for that clumsy creep at OIA this can of worms wouldn’t have opened up into a ‘troubling mess’.”

David North was approaching Interior’s building when he sniffed the presence of reporters. He looked up, turned into a jelly fish, then dashed for his life into the wrong restroom: Ladies.

Newscaster: “The jolt is quite heavy and it appears that the after-shocks would eventually bring Interior’s and White House thugs to their, well, knees”.

A few feet way stood Marianas Washington Rep. Juan N. Babauta who was asked for his reaction. Said he: “What? You mean they’re after my friends at the White House and OIA?”

A member of his staff standing nearby quizzed himself: “Man, who is my boss representing: our people, Stayman, Farrow, North, Schorr? Gee, I never knew we have a Coconut Knight who sleeps with the enemy!”