The flying al-u-MIN-ee-um bus

During my first week on Saipan, a top government official matter-of-factly explained to me that cultivating the Japanese market for tourism was a big waste of time. The logic (I use the term quite loosely here) was that supersonic airliners would soon shrink the planet to essentially microscopic size, thus negating our competitive advantage of geographic proximity to the land of the rising sun.

I thought that was the dumbest thing I’d ever heard, but I’ve had to adjust my context lately and it just measures up as mildly daft.

I wouldn’t be surprised in the Commonwealth appointed a committee to figure out how to turn gold into lead. Hey, if anyone can do that, we can.

Meanwhile, the folks in Europe have been turning aluminum (or, as the British say, “al-u-MIN-ee-um”) into gold, as the Airbus company announced that it’s landed enough orders to put its behemoth 3XX airliner into production. This thing’s big: it is a “double decker” and will seat 555 people.

Its reported range of 8,150 nautical miles is said to allow it to fly from New York to Mumbai non-stop. But how the heck are they going to find 555 people who would even want to go from New York to Mumbai? Mumbai to New York, yes. New York to Mumbai, no.

As a public service, I’ll note that one nautical mile is equivalent to 1.15 normal (or, “statute”) miles. The plane, then, has a range of 9,372 statute miles. That’s mighty far.

As a further public service, I’ll also note that the reason that we use nautical miles is that one nautical mile is equivalent to one minute of arc over the earth’s surface, which makes it a very convenient measure for navigating. I am a veritable encyclopedia of such wisdom, though my status as a sex object makes everyone think I’m just another California bimbo.

Well I’m no bimbo, just your garden variety floozy, and if you’ve got the money, honey, I’ve got the time. And, speaking of money, the giant Airbus airplanes cost in the neighborhood of $250 million or so depending on options (you know, pinstripes, CD player, sunroof, etc.).

They’ll be casting their shadows over Asia, as Singapore Airlines is one of the buyers to step up to the plate. I don’t know if we’ll ever see any of them here, but if the planes get popular it’s possible we will. Unless, of course, one of our leading intellectuals decides to zero in on Mumbai as a tourism market…

In the meantime, if the village idiot warns you about supersonic travel erasing our tourism market, don’t put that on the top of your worry list. If you really need something to worry about, consider 555 people lined up on-board waiting for the bathroom.

But what would really spook me is if those jokers at Korean Air got their hands on the giant Airbus, given their proclivity to crash more often than a third world stock market.

As for me, I’m lucky, since when I have to travel I usually get to take the Tribune’s Lear Jet. For the masses, though, I guess the giant Airbus is going to be…well…a real big bus. I guess that’s the whole idea, eh?

Stephens is an economist with Stephens Corporation, a professional organization in the NMI. His column appears three times a week: Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. Mr. Stephens can be contacted via the following e-mail address: ed4Saipan@yahoo.com.