Da Cemetery Conference
Iku and Duñg held a one-day conference right in the middle of the Chalan Kanoa cemetery for its quiet and peaceful residents. The theme is “Keep It Clean”–all year round. Iku was given the role of masters of ceremony. In opening the event at the beginning of the conference, he offered:
“Distinguished Residents:
“Today marks the first ever cemetery conference right here in paradise. I know that among the crowd here today, there’s a mixture of people from all walks of life.
“Without belaboring the point of this most auspicious gathering, it is a signal honor to introduce to you a very distinguished gentleman who will deliver the keynote address. “Mr. Duñg Malas is known in Modern Day Marianas as an advocate of clean government, including a clean final resting place for the silent residents of this place. It is my pleasure and privilege to introduce Duñg to deliver the keynote address. Put your hands together for Mr. Duñg Malas.” Dead silence!
Duñg takes the lectern, clears his throat, tightens his $12 Sears Roebuck tie and lets it rip:
“Ladies and Gentlemen:
“For the first time ever on Planet Marianas is held a conference to ensure total participatory democracy in all that happens within and without the boundaries of this cemetery.
“That you’re now in your so-called ‘final resting place’ is not a reason to neglect your aspirations, needs and wants. I am hear to listen to your problems and concerns along with my faithful friend Iku.
“You see, even at your state or condition, the fact remains that this quiet piece of land needs to be kept clean all year round. It means that each of you must take a proactive role in cleaning your tiny slot that is handed down permanently only to people who are called to their eternal rest.
“Essentially, this place is sacred land where the pioneers of this archipelago now rest with an ultra-sense of tranquillity. Let’s join hands and work together in our collective efforts to ensure that your aspirations, needs and wants are met forthwith. This is the very essence of participatory democracy. Si Yuus Maase` yan ghilisow.”
Iku took over the microphone clapping his hands on the way to the lectern. He noticed that the crowd wasn’t reacting. He again insisted that participants–all the dead people six feet below–clap their hands. The reaction was a deafening silence!
The duo picked up their expensive brief cases and headed out of the cemetery very disappointed.
Said Duñg: “I’ve never seen so ungrateful a crowd. I’d never deliver another keynote address in this venue, ever!”
Iku offered: “I don’t think they ever heard a word that we said. Each participant is dead and buried six feet below the surface. Therefore, it is foolhardy to expect them to listen to us”.
Related Iku: “Perhaps this cemetery syndrome is widespread throughout these isles, yeah?”
“You nailed it right on the head, nobody’s listening, Duñg”. There again was a long dead silence as each pondered what must have gone wrong right here in paradise. Well, you’ve guessed, nobody’s listening!
Strictly a personal view. John S. DelRosario Jr. is publisher of Saipan Tribune.
