Focus on Education Teach Children to Understand Death

Death is an inevitable part of life. It is a fact that all living creatures must accept. But dealing with death has never been easy. For the young, learning to cope with death is especially difficult. The loss of a pet, relative, or friend is a traumatic and bewildering experience. We as parents must begin early to prepare our children for this inevitable part of life. Let me share several suggestions from various authorities on helping children to cope with death.

According to several child authorities, the best way to help a child deal with bereavement will depend on several factors, including the child’s age, the closeness to the child of the person who died, and the circumstances of death. But before we can help our child we need to be aware of our own response to the event. We need to understand our own feelings and method of handling the loss of precious ones.

When a child asks questions about the death of a pet or a relative, his questions should be answered as honestly as possible, with neither evasiveness or unnecessary details. Answer as fully as the child understands according to his age and maturity. If the child feels guilty about the death of a close relative, especially if it is someone in the family as a father or mother, help the child to realize that the death had nothing to do with the relationship that his feelings have to the event.

Should the death occur as a result of illness or in a hospital, take special care that the child does not make a close associate between death and sickness. Otherwise the child may experience deep fears whenever he is ill or has to go to the hospital for a visit for any reason. Do not tell small children that death is a sleep from which the deceased never wake up. Many children who have been told this often develop a fear of going to sleep at night.

It is not advisable to take very young children to funerals. Perhaps when they are five or six, they can attend. At that age they should be emotionally and intellectually capable of understanding the experience. If the child is feeling grief, encourage the child to grieve and to talk with you about his feelings.

At about eight years of age, a child begins to understand the inevitability and the irreversibility of death. Now is the time to fully discuss the event and respond to their questions. But again go into details only up to the point of interest from the child. Do not be overly comprehensive.

Your child, if ready, should be included in a memorial service. It can be a good experience. Prepare him or her by talking about each part of the service, and point out that its purpose is to allow family and friends to recognize the good things about a person’s life. Allow the child to decide whether or not it desires to do an open-casket viewing.

When the child becomes an adolescent or a teenager, they are better able to understand the full implication of dying and the finality of death. Make sure they are allowed the space for emotional release. If the young person desires privacy to sort his own thoughts, respect that. Afford them the opportunity to discuss the event with other adults as well.

At any age your child needs to understand death in the context of faith. We, the living, must go on. Encourage the child to grieve and revere the memory, but to continue on with his life. Help your child to cope with life and with death.