Previous Story
Joe Watches Movies
|
Posted on Jan 27 2005
PHANTOM OF THE OPERA
2:23; PG-13, for violence and impromptu singing.
Beautiful set design and costumes do not make a movie. With zero excitement and even less romance, this screen adaptation will appeal to very few.
Grade: D
ELEKTRA
1:37; PG-13, for violence
Jennifer Garner’s rotund buttocks in tight leather are the only reasons one might want to watch this stupid spin-off of another incredibly horrible comic-book movie (Daredevil).
Grade: F
ARE WE THERE YET?
PG, for language and rude humor
This madcap slapstick movie is strictly for the kids; however, just because they want to go, doesn’t mean you should take them. Are We There Yet? is mind-numbing and offensive, and there are other children’s movies that are much better. (Racing Stripes maybe?)
Grade: F
ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13
1:49; R, for strong violence and language
It may not be the smartest movie ever made, but if you’re hungry for some action, Precinct 13 will fill you up, just fine.
Grade: C +
ALONE IN THE DARK
1:36; R, for violence and language
Haven’t seen this one yet, but all indications say that action-thriller will be really, really bad. Alien vs. Predator bad. Don’t say I didn’t warn ya. See review in Monday’s Saipan Tribune.
RACING STRIPES
1:34; PG, for mild language and crude humor
Racing Stripes can be boring as all heck for the adults in the audience, but we’re not the target audience. Youngsters between 5-12 should enjoy it just fine.
Grade: C
WHITE NOISE
1:41; PG-13, for violence, horror, and language
White Noise is never even slightly scary, and the acting is terrible. The story is absurd, and never emotionally involving enough to make the audience care.
Grade: F
HIDE AND SEEK
1:45; R, for horror and violence
With such a talented and esteemed cast, why is this horror film being released in January? Find out at your own risk. See review in Monday’s Saipan Tribune.
