Friendly…for now

Natural beauty and nice beaches are not rare in the Pacific tropics, but the Commonwealth has long offered an intangible attribute that few places can match: Friendliness.

Unfortunately, if the economic meltdown continues, the CNMI will soon get the welfare state status that it seems to crave. After that point (you heard it here first) our “friendly” islands are going to turn mean.

Be they urban or rural, welfare economies are known for their meanness, hopelessness, crime, and nastiness. I have seen mean ghettos and mean backwaters, I have seen violent ghettos in cities and angry reservations in deserts. Either way, the welfare gig is a one-way street: There is no return. One common, and, incidentally, interesting, aspect of the ghetto mentality is that nobody can, or will, take responsibility for their own actions. Ghetto people are, singly and collectively, therefore unable to better their lot. Yes, it is hopeless. No, more handouts from the gummint won’t help…

…so we’re talking economic perpetual motion on that note. Poverty sucks, but government-subsidized poverty sucks in perpetuity.

As for now, of course, the Commonwealth is a nice place because it has nice people. Nobody has ever given me much trouble on the islands, and of the few deranged and malicious folks I have encountered, most of them have been from the U.S. mainland. Though many of the current upper echelons of the CNMI government are internationally notorious for their hostility, the average clerks and workers in the government are friendly, competent, and helpful. Even the cops are friendly, which is a rarity in the modern world, since the modern world seems pretty well bent on an authority and punishment fetish.

For the Commonwealth, since friendliness is an intangible, we tend to take it for granted…it’s just always, well, there. To shake us from that complacency, I shall offer two simple facts, and we can connect the dots:

Fact one: Welfare states, as I’ve mentioned, are nasty and mean.

Fact two: On its current path of economic destruction, the Commonwealth is going to become a federally-supported welfare state. There is no other possible outcome.

Well, look at the bright side: Welfare state journalism is easy. I can write an entire year’s worth of columns or news stories in about a weekend, as long as you gave me a 40-ounce bottle of malt liquor and some rap music to get me in the mood.

Thus fortified, I’d write generic, fill-in-the-blank pieces on teen pregnancy, low educational achievement, big corruption scandals, little corruption scandals, teen crime, violent crime, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, household financial distress…and so on.

And I’ll throw in a few human interest and community features to supplement the usual crime and hopelessness stories. Everybody, of course, will be a “victim” of an uncaring world. The “community” will showcase its “pride,” but it won’t be too proud to “demand” more money (i.e. handouts) to fix…well, to fix problems it created itself, namely, teen pregnancy, low educational achievement, big corruption scandals, little corruption scandals, teen crime, violent crime, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, household financial distress…and so on.

See? It’s easy. Dare I say “elegant”? Can I patent this process?

Mark my words, if the Commonwealth takes this path, it won’t only become unpleasant, but it will also become too crime-ridden to be considered safe for tourists and business operators.

That’s not the path I would choose, but it’s also not my choice to make. It’s up to the electorate. If it doesn’t want better economic times, then it will get worse times that will soon change the very nature of the islands. There is no middle ground, it’s too late for mediocrity or fence-sitting.

Indeed, it’s later than you think.

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Ed Stephens, Jr. is an economist and columnist for the Saipan Tribune. Comments? E-mail Stephens at Ed4Saipan@yahoo.com.