An appealing alternative for Chinese tourists

Here is a suggestion that might help our long-suffering economy. It is an alternative for moneyed, upstanding Chinese tourists who now must jump the unbelievable hurdles placed before them by our paranoid Attorney General.

Now they have to disclose their bank accounts, post bonds, mortgage their first born children, give a family lineage to 14 generations (in triplicate with a rubber stamp to verify) and whatever other hoopla the AG can come up with to impede their terrorist goal of laying on a warm sunny Saipan beach sipping a margarita (this is called a Visitor Entry Permit).

Instead I suggest that each tourist from China and elsewhere simply declare themselves to be a young, Vietnamese prostitute and thus gain entry without any immigration papers or status whatsoever. The only people who will suffer are inkpad manufacturers, and red tape dispenser salesmen.

Here’s another one. What to do with all those empty garment factories? Form a non-profit company to save the generations old tradition of Vietnamese prostitution, ask the AG to borrow the 400 young Vietnamese hookers she wants to bring to Saipan, put them up in the unused garment factory, issuing each one a bed and a receipt book.

This will substantially reduce the competition pressure on Garapan’s already slumping after-hours industry and will please the family-based-tourism crowd at the same time by removing the same from public view. I’m sure there must be another alternative, but nothing comes to mind regarding just what do with 400 unemployed ladies of the evening once they have been imported to the CNMI by our erstwhile AG.

Perhaps a call center? Or a call-girl center? 1-800-save-a-tart?

Bruce A. Bateman
Tanapag Village