An entirely plausible scenario

It is an extremely busy day in New York. The attorneys at a major Manhattan law firm–Malarkey, Lies and Gadzuks–are preoccupied with all sorts of cases–with an enormous caseload. But the money is coming in magnificently. Americans are thriving. These New York attorneys, in particular, are wildly prospering.

Suddenly, on one fateful day, in the midst of the fast-paced New York hustle and bustle, a very special call comes in.

“Pardon me,” says the receptionist. “I am afraid I cannot understand you. Could you please speak up?”

“Wei, hallo,” says the mainland Chinese lady on the other end of the line. “I am calling long distance from Saipan. I garment factory worker. Please help, understand. Me and my friend need help. Okay. Help.”

“OK, OK,” exclaims the receptionist. “We are always willing to help. That’s what we are in business for, always to help other people, not only ourselves. OK, please, lady, you wait. I see now this is a very important call. I will now connect you to our top attorney, Mr. Malarkey A. Weitzman.”

“Hello, Mr. Malarkey A. Weitzman here. How may I help you, mam?”

“Sir, yes, yes, me need you help. Factory no pay me, no pay my friend too. Saipan factory no good. Bu hao. Fei chang bu hao. Shenzinbing! Haya!”

“What is your name, mam?”

“Oh, my name Xue. Miss Xue Jiang.”

“Miss Jiang Xue. How may I ask did you hear about our law firm–Malarkey et al.?”

“Oh, Mr. Weitzman, Malarkey. I don’t know. I forget. Maybe I look up New York telephone directory in Saipan library. Maybe I find on the Internet. Gee, I honestly don’t know how I contact big New York law firm like you. I am just a province girl with limited English speaking skills and largely unsophisticated. Anyway, not important. Abuse is major problem. Never mind how I can call you. You help me please. Big contingency fee for you! You sue factory $1 billion, very good idea, yes? Make us all very rich. Punish bad people.”

“OK, I think you have a very good idea there, Miss Jiang. Actually, we are very busy right now, but since you, an unknown caller, took the time to call us up half-way around the world about a situation we really know little or nothing about, OK, let’s do it. We will file briefs on your behalf in federal courts. Sounds good. Too good to be true. Boy, what a promising case! Thank you. We’ll get the press releases rolling.”