Portrait of things yet to come….
Washington, AP – Angry animal rights activists picketed in front of the Lincoln Memorial yesterday to protest widespread animal rights abuse on the Western Pacific island of Saipan, a US territory.
Chanting and sporting placards, animal rights groups such as “People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals” (PETA) and the “Love Your Animal Alliance” converged on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial to end alleged radical injustices of animal cruelty on US soil.
“More than 30 years ago,” said Mr. Phil Lunacy, a picketing protester, “Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. fought for civil rights on these very steps. Today, we are here to end the injustices against Saipan’s animals.”
Wendy Foromal, another angry protester, cited animal rights reports secretly compiled by independent sources. “Did you know,” asked Mrs. Foromal, “that on virtually every Saipan weekend, up to 20 or 30 roosters are brutally murdered in an evil blood sport known as ‘cock-fighting’— a wicked practice that has been outlawed in virtually every US State.
“Two, three, four and five cock derbies are an everyday reality on Saipan soil. Money is being wagered on the lives of helpless young roosters, who have no escape from this mass murders.”
In a related development, the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) filed a lawsuit against the CNMI government yesterday. On behalf of all CNMI atheists, Buddhist monks and Islamic fundamentalists, the ACLU intends to prove that the government of the CNMI has long since favored the establishment of the Roman Catholic religion—-a clear violation of the First Amendment in the US Constitution’s Bill of Rights.
Said Mr. Juan P. Agnostica, a CNMI plaintiff represented by the ACLU: “It is no secret that the CNMI government has long been in total cahoots with the Roman Catholic Church, which clearly violates the constitutional separation of church and state.”
“You see it everywhere,” said Mr. Habid Rashad, a devout Moslem who utterly resents the CNMI’s blatant Roman Catholic favoritism. “Every single time there is a major CNMI government function, what happens? A Christian representative is summoned to say a prayer! Where are the representatives of Allah?”
Duke Fluke, attorney for the ACLU, concurs. “When the Covenant Agreement was first established,” declared Mr. Fluke, “it was with the understanding that American values would still apply–and that the US Bill of Rights would supercede all local self-government. How could the CNMI government possibly grant a state holiday on Good Friday?
“This is evil, patently immoral–and we are going to sue!”
