Food on my mind


Empanada Vs. Crispy Pata

A fierce debate rages on the tables of Saipan.
Which is the superior dish? a plate of crispy pata,
It’s succulent skin making an excellent dinner plan,
Or that popular pocket full of flavor – empanada?

We went to the island’s judges to get the score.
Whether they preferred the varieties of empanada
Or was it something more meaty they adore
Like the greasy pork bones of crispy pata?

The stage was set, the audience was elated.
As the preparations were laid, one for crispy pata
With a pig that was clearly decapitated
While there was little to support the empanada.

The sun that day was hotter than ever before,
As if the sun itself had stopped overhead to see.
The crowd was getting antsy out there on the floor.
In anticipation of the culinary winner to be.

An official carried out proudly a box of crispy pata.
Only to be astounded when it was opened – it was empty!
Another official entered with his box of empanada
Except they were all gone too, the contest was a mockery!

Now we don’t really know which is the better fare,
Next time, make sure the staff eats before the contest.
One suspicious kitchen worker had grease in his hair,
Oh well, maybe he could tell us which one is the best.

Chicken Kelaguen

Coming at you as a friend,
Gotta say that every now and then
I feel a rise in my gut, a yen
For oh so tasty chicken kelaguen.
It always makes me say, “Amen!”
And it does that time and time again.
Yup, talking about chicken kelaguen.
I don’t care if it’s one, five or ten.
Go put that on tv, show it on CNN.
As long as I get my chicken kelaguen.

Hey, What You Say, Eskebeche

Fried fish invited Green Beans to the scene
Tired of hanging around, Green Beans agreed.

Ginger was smothered by Vinegar.
Vinegar turned a whiter shade of pale.
Timid Turmeric didn’t say anything.
No one knew Ginger’s last name.

Eggplant arrived naked unexpectedly,
Eagerly embraced, thrown in gingerly.

Upset with current events, the newfound
Companions in the Pan stewed in their own juices
Until the oven opened and they heard the words:

“Hey, What You Say, Eskebeche!”

Bob Coldeen is a longtime TV journalist in the CNMI and is news director/reporter of KSPN 2.


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