Food Fight


The stage was set for The Island Heavyweight
Championship Fight, food fans couldn’t wait.
Spam stood in one corner, mighty and proud.
Hot Dog opposite the ring, obnoxious and loud.

Folding chairs in the pala pala almost burst
Under butts of those with great hunger and thirst.
That this bout even came about was a testament
To the jealously that led to this predicament.

Ever since the military brought out this processed stuff,
The people in the islands can’t seem to get enough.
One or the other meat product, locals didn’t care
As long as it was there on their dinnerware.

Social media finally got to Hot Dog and Spam.
Folks dissed them really bad – “It’s pseudo-ham!”
That soured their stomachs bad and then bam,
They were no longer friends – they gonna slam!

Fighting under MMA rules, Marinate
My Artichokes, the set-up was first rate.
Spiffy Spam caps abounded in the crowd.
Hot Dog freaks squeaked mighty loud.

The round opened with a Hot Dog heave
That glanced off Spam’s face, I do believe.
Spam’s cans of supporters spit out commands.
Hot Dog would’ve done better if he had hands.

Experienced moving around a hot skillet,
The two island delicacies soon got to it.
Spam flattened Hot Dog who rolled out
And popped up like a brussels sprout.

The neat meats sweat grease all over the floor.
Poor referee Ketchup couldn’t stand anymore.
When that bottle fell, the ring turned red as blood.
Spam and Hot Dog stood there in a tomato flood.

Unable to proceed, the fight was postponed.
At this time, the Heavyweight Champ is unknown.
Spam and Hot Dog didn’t know what to do.
But after the fight, they were invited to a barbecue.

Bob Coldeen (Special to the Saipan Tribune)
Bob Coldeen is a longtime TV journalist in the CNMI and is news director/reporter of KSPN 2.

Bob Coldeen (Special to the Saipan Tribune)
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