“Al-Gate”

John Del Rosario called it “The Pinto Boys Plumbers Unit.” Bruce Lloyd called it “Al-Gate.” We could also call it “North-Gate.” But whatever it is called, it is clearly one of the biggest scandals to hit Washington since the Monica Lewinsky affair.

Such a scandal merits much more mainland American media publicity than it is currently receiving–and not just from the Wall Street Journal, the Washington Times and the Washington Post, but from the Reader’s Digest, Inside Edition and 20/20 as well.

Most especially from 20/20, since it was celebrated for its award-winning CNMI sweatshop/forced prostitution exposé.

After all, wouldn’t 20/20 like to know how they served as willing dupes to David North, Global Exchange and other co-conspirators bent on discrediting the CNMI and its free market Republican allies?

ABC’s 20/20 should really produce this investigative story. ABC’s Brian Ross owes it to professional, fair-minded, ethical journalism.

Here is how such a show might go.

Connie Chung: Good evening, America. And welcome to 20/20. A few months ago, we produced a special report called “The Shame of Saipan,” detailing false charges of sweatshops and prostitution on “American soil.” Well, today we would like to set the record straight and apologize for serving as the willing dupes of Mr. David North, formerly of the U.S. Interior Department, who flagrantly violated the Hatch Act in a shameless attempt to discredit Saipan and its Republican allies.

Charles Gibson: That’s right, Connie. There is compelling and convincing evidence to suggest that the U.S. Department of Interior, Office of Insular Affairs, under the auspices of Secretary Bruce Babbit, former Director Allen Stayman and David North, waged a vicious campaign of political destruction against a tiny set of islands its office was specifically created to nurture, support and protect. Our reporter Brian Ross has more . . . Brian?

Brian Ross: That’s absolutely right, Charles. The U.S. Office of Insular Affairs clearly violated the Hatch Act through the direct actions Mr. North and possibly even Mr. Stayman. To this day, however, Mr. North still refuses to comment on the matter, as this video clip clearly shows.

(Episode now switches to an ominous camera shot of Mr. North’s House. Mr. North leaves his house and Brian Ross peppers him with questions.)

Brian Ross: Mr. North, did you really violate the Hatch Act, and were you really out to destroy Tom Delay?

Mr. North: (Covering his head and waving Mr. Ross away): No comment. No comment. I have no comment at this time. Please go away.

Brian Ross: Which was why we sent an undercover Republican posing as a Democrat from the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee to speak to Mr. North prior to the scandal. It is all here on tape, and it’s worse than the undercover buyer speaking to garment magnate Willie Tan.

(Move to undercover film clip.)

Undercover Republican (posing as a Democratic labor union supporter): Mr. North, what are we going to do about the CNMI?

Mr. North: Don’t worry, George Miller will never let them go. He will kill them. I am working on getting more Democrats to help George kill the CNMI and their evil Republican friends right now.

Yes, this story ought to be produced; unfortunately, it will never happen–nothing even close.