Kill a commie for mommy

The economy in Guam, like the economy here, is tight. Unemployment there is hovering around the 15 percent level, which, by U.S. standards, is insanely high. One person being squeezed by the lousy economy there said she’s considering joining the military as a way out of the entire mess, and asked me if I might have any thoughts to offer on the topic.

The issue usually boils down to two questions: (1) Should I sign on the dotted line and give Uncle Sam ownership of my carcass for the next few years?, and (2) which branch of the military should I join?

The latter question is probably impossible for anyone to answer, since nobody has been in all the services, and therefore doesn’t have a meaningful basis for comparison. Some people, of course, are downright motivated to join one branch or another. I doubt, for example, that anyone ever joined the Marines by default.

Other people, though, ones who don’t want to be the next General Patton and are merely escaping the lousy economy here (be it the CNMI’s or Guam’s) want to find the branch that will give them the “best deal.” From what I’ve seen and heard, the Air Force looks to be an attractive branch of the service. It offers a lot of high-tech training, is supposed to treat its people well, and–best of all in my book, having looked at too much salt water in my time–they can’t stick you on a boat.

As far as the bigger issue of whether it’s a good idea to join the military at all, well, that’s a highly personal decision. Age is certainly a factor here. If you’re older than 25 and have been used to setting your agenda for a few years, I’d imagine that letting Uncle Sam set it (every minute of it) for you would be a hard adjustment. Signing for a hitch straight out of high school is one thing, but signing after having been a working adult would be quite another.

Furthermore, with a robust economy in the United States, joining the service merely to have a job doesn’t seem very sensible, unless you’re so poor you can’t afford air fare to the states for a job search. No matter where you live, the world isn’t going to beat a path to your door offering you a job, though. A lot of people have had to pack a bag, wave goodbye to the friends, and hop a plane for promised economic lands. I have. My
friends have. I don’t think any of us would have joined the military merely to get out of having to find a job. We joined because we wanted to kill communists.

The red commie menace is gone, now, or at least is dormant, so Doctor Strangelove and Co. are no longer calling the shots. Which, considering the agendas of warped lunatics like Bob Dole and the rest of the hawkish bunch, is probably a good thing.

The post cold war era is upon us and the military looks to be a different kettle of fish now. I’m sure recruiters are the same as ever, though, and I’d advise against reporting to boot camp with your golf clubs and tennis racket in tow.