Spartans, Stallions in football exhibition

Tonight at 7:30 p.m. in Tinian the SportsRock Spartans will attempt to manhandle the Tinian Stallions in a 7 on 7 Flag Football Game. This marks the first game for the Spartans, and will help prepare the Stallions for their upcoming inter-island flag football tournament slated for next week in Saipan.

“We are excited for this opportunity and we’re looking forward to some good football,” said SportsRock coach Ted Nugent. “We had our first practice this past Wednesday and we are definitely bringing some talent over to Tinian,” continued Nugent.

The Spartans will be anchored on defense by Bruce “The Monster” Buerlein, Mark “Big Daddy” Zachares, and Russ “I’m faster than I look” Quinn. Other defensive studs include Paul Torres, The Full Monty, and Vinny Babaluchi.

“We are going to run an aggressive, blitzing defense, try to force them to throw, and then let our corners make the big plays,” said Co-Defensive Captain Buerlein.

The offense will be directed by Bob Coldeen who is coming out of retirement for one last hurrah. Coldeen is the former quarterback for the University of Florida Intramural Champions back in the 70’s, and is currently the Sports Director for MCV.

“Our offense is a takeoff of the “Fun and Gun” offense that I invented in Florida. We’re going to send Theodore Nugent, Doug “White Shoes” Mauro, and Mike “Rum and Coke Please” Walsh, on an array of patterns that will confuse and intimidate the defense. We’re a little bit worried about Walsh’s hands so we’ve got Paul “The Six Pack Captain” Torres ready to jump in when needed.

The biggest concern for the Spartans concerns protecting the quarterback against a young, speedy, and aggressive Tinian team. The game will be a battle that is decided in the trenches.

“We don’t have a lot of mobility at the QB position, so our game plan will focus on giving him time to make his reads, and pick out the open guy. We’ll try and isolate our receivers into one on one coverage and then let Coldeen march us up the field. We’re going up against a talented, well coached team, so our basic strategy will be to force turnovers on defense, and let the offense unload with some quick strikes,” said Nugent.

One concern for the Spartans will be at the back up QB position, if Coldeen pulls a hammy. Contenders to lead the offense if a disaster like this occurs include, Jeff “I just got back” Callahan, or Adam “I throw the long ball” Turner. The game will start off with a pre game meeting at the Tinian Blowhole and then proceed to the field with kick off at 7:30.

“We hope the fans from Tinian and Saipan come out to witness this epic game. It will be fast moving, exciting, and promises to be a great event for all the spectators,” said Coldeen.

SportsRock Airs every Monday night at 7:00 p.m. on The Rock 97.9. It is a locally produced sports call in show that features the best in local, national, and international sports. Hosted by sportsrockers, Ted Nugent and Jimmy Page, this will be the duos first foray into actual competition.