Free automotive lunch? Just about.

Every red blooded male knows what April’s arrival means: The Consumer Reports auto edition hits the stands. And, yes, Joten Kiyu library carries it as well.

Much is written about cars and trucks, most of which is shameless shilling for advertisers. Worse yet, most automotive writers seem like limp wristed wine connoisseurs. “The XYZ-300 sedan is playful around corners, slightly aggressive sometimes, and yet with a hint of considered maturity as you guide it from the cockpit…”

Oh, puke. And where’d they get this cockpit business? Cars aren’t airplanes. Cars are cars. Duh.

I don’t care what some pencil neck shill thinks about how a car drives around corners; I want to know if the car’s transmission is going to need repairs in seven years. I don’t care how many horsepower the engine claims to generate; I want to know if the engine will make it 250,000 miles trouble-free.

I’m not a wanna’ be race car driver, nor a dingbat yuppie nursing a case of middle-aged craziness. I’m just a working guy who wants a car that will last as long as possible. I’d say most folks in Saipan are in that same position.

Consumer Reports dutifully compiles repair information from auto owners via questionnaires. Such data is reflected in tables, and is listed by model and year by 14 categories: engine, cooling, fuel, ignition, transmission, electrical…and so on.

In terms of vehicles that mere mortals can afford, Honda and Toyota seem to reign supreme in the reliability realm. That’s no surprise to folks in the Commonwealth, given that Toyotas in particular seem to be the favored flavor of transportation. A Ford man like myself, though, can take consolation in the fact that the F-150 pickup truck was on Consumer Report’s recommended list.

Trucks are popular out here, so here are the recommended picks in the magazine: Compact pickup trucks-–Ford Ranger and its clone, the Mazda B-4000. Full sized pickups: Toyota Tundra and the Ford F-150.

Over the years, I’ve casually correlated the problems I’ve had with my cars with the information reflected in the Consumer Reports data, and the correlations appeared quite solid. In other words, I think those guys are doing a great job. The measly five bucks you spend on the magazine might save you well over a grand in repairs and grief down the road.

Given that the magazine doesn’t sell ads, I’m at a loss to explain how they’re not at a loss to fund their operations. But for car buyers–who would be otherwise left in the dark–this magazine is the closest thing to a free lunch I’ve ever seen.

Now if they’d just recommend an Armored Personnel Carrier so we could safely negotiate Middle Road on “payday Friday” evenings, we’d really have it made.

Ed Stephens, Jr. is an economist and columnist for the Saipan Tribune. “Ed4Saipan@yahoo.com”