On the lighter side of paradise

My buddy came home from a hectic day at work. He was stressed out, hungry, bone tired and wanted a restful evening with his family.

The spouse also had a rough day, washing, cooking, ironing, keeping the kids in check. She too wanted time for herself to rest.

The situation was tensed. The couple only needed a tiny spark to send tempers exploding like nuclear bombs.

The yelling started, both parties shooting heavy expletives straight from the mouth. The kids weren’t sure what started the argument and kept to themselves. The neighbors listened to bedroom talk spewing out of slammed windows and doors. The argument escalated. The spouse started hurling everything she found in her way.

The hubby wasn’t about to let the nasty exchange take its full course for the rest of the evening. So he picked up the phone and dialed 911.

Police officers came and within a few minutes, they slapped handcuffs on the hubby and took him down to the Susupe Detention Center. Everything came crashing down on the poor guy.

Bad timing: He was arrested on a Friday evening. The judges won’t be back until mid-morning Monday. He had to endure the humiliation and confinement for all the wrong reasons.

When he was released Monday morning, he looked at me fuming mad and said: “You know, it’s a no win situation and the cops weren’t even willing to listen to my side of the story before they threw the handcuffs on me. Seesuzzzz!”

• • • • •

A young man was summoned to court for assault and battery. He asked a friend for a ride to the Guma` Justisia.

His buddy said he’d wait for him at the parking lot. He started reading the newspapers to pass time.

Half-an-hour later he saw, through the rearview mirror, his friend in handcuffs being escorted by two police officers.

Pissed, he got out of his car and yelled: “Hey! Next time I’m not going to give you a ride!”

His friend did the mea culpa: “Sorry lai, sorry lai, braddah, I didn’t know they’re going to do this to me, lai.” Yeah, right!

• • • • •

A friend received a letter from St. Peter that he wasn’t among the 700 Chamorros who would be entering the pearly gate on judgment day. Reason given: He holds membership as a “Continuing Student of Mortal Sin”.

Troubled, he sought help from a priest on how to win St. Peter’s approval. He was advised to write a song about Catholicism. He did!

When he died, he brought the song with him confident that he would be escorted by angels on high for doing a good deed for Catholicism.

At the pearly gate, St. Peter saw his familiar face, saying: “I thought I sent you a letter of rejection the other day.”

Said my friend: “Yes, St. Peter, but I wrote this beautiful song that is now being sung in every Catholic church throughout the world!”

St. Peter took a quick look, gave my friend a nasty stare and quizzed: “Was this written for a Chamorro?”

“Yes sir!”, replied my friend with a huge hopeful smile.

“Out! Out! Out!”, yelled St. Peter.

Said he: “Seesuzzz! I didn’t know Chamorros are bad news in heaven too, yeah?”

Strictly a personal view. John S. DelRosario Jr. is publisher of Saipan Tribune.