The ‘New’ Ten Commandments of the CNMI

And after wandering aimlessly in the desert for 50 years, Governor B.R.F. Moses led his people to the base of Mt. Tapochau whereupon they established a camp. Thus sayeth C.H.R. Aaron, the governor’s loyal public information officer, to the people, “Rejoice, for the Governor shall ascend the Mount and return forthwith bringing better times to all his people.”

And upon entering the sanctuary at the top of the Mount, the Governor was confronted by advisers posing as burning bushes that rendered unto him upon tablets of achô (stone) the following commandments to be delivered to his people waiting at the base of the Mount:

1. I am thy governor and ye shall have no higher authority above me. Ye shall not subjugate before other politicians, for I am vindictive and I shall retaliate to the third and fourth generations of those who reject me, but shall bestow endless employment upon those who follow me.

2. Ye shall not make wrongful use of the name of thy Governor, for my public information officer shall mete punishment upon ye by media interpretations.

3. Observe Wednesdays and keep them separate, for they shall be reserved for golf and all things trivial. Remember Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays, for they shall be without work except as required for parties and revelry.

4. Honor thy Governor and Lt. Governor so that their days may be long and fruitful.

5. Thou shalt not kill the programs and contracts entered into by the Executive Branch.

6. Thou shalt not promote infidelity between thy Governor and his appointees.

7. Neither shall ye interfere with the re-appropriation of public funds for mysterious uses.

8. Neither shall ye design innuendos or allegations of wrongdoing against thy government.

9. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s stimulus check.

10. Thou shalt not desire the benefits thy government has set aside for its officials, managers, appointees, consultants and friends.

After receiving the “new” commandments, Governor B.R.F. Moses descended from the Mount and saw that his people had become restive and were contemplating blasphemy and other abominable acts including adoration of aspirant politicians with newer ideas and were building an altar to them.

And thus the Governor became filled of wrath and began beleaguering the people with false hopes and bringing seditious activities in the form of legal papers against those who would attempt to abrogate his commandments.

And now, my friends, you have a choice of two endings to this parable:

1. And the people were satisfied and quieted and returned to their homes, or

2. And the people did rise up and rebel and select a new and virtuous leader.