Beer for all occasions and non-occasions too!

A friend once related of the presence of beer in every family occasion he’s attended and quizzed if it’s the usual island style. I wasn’t sure how to respond except to say that this must be the end of the century fad in our small community of beer, beer, and more beer.

I tried to see if there’s an historical link of such fad with the turning of a German Beer Drinking song into our Marianas Anthem. I wasn’t sure what’s it all about and there really isn’t any factual historical link. It’s a new fad to load up on beer for basically every and all local occasions in modern day Mariana Islands.

Observed my friend: “Take a look at this occasion, a birthday party for a three-year-old, but there are the guys on that table each with beer in hand. Why can’t this occasion be limited to just a birthday cake and ice cream and save the rest for that rainy day?”

He made sense but I figure he’s been away from the island too long. I gave him the chuckle of the evening when I related that the beer table he alluded to earlier is the local make-shift health club where the guys catch up with their one arm weight lifting–beer cans and bottles. It’s also a gathering where usually tight tongues are loosened up and you get to see the true colors of a person.

“This beer drinking binge is an occasion to hear not what you want to hear but what you need to hear that comes directly from the mind and soul of our people,” I related, adding, “it’s also the occasion where guys speak with that wonderful sense of inconsistency by braving such illogical statements as ‘Let me tell you my honest truth’.” I mean, is there such a thing as dishonest truth? By this time my friend was really doing the quiet belly chuckle.

He’s actually very observant and felt at home when I fueled it with my own observations.

“You see, over the years we’ve shifted taste from solid to junk food. We’ve also changed from the nutritious coconut juice to beer and whiskey. A lot of changes in lifestyle have taken place since 20-plus years ago when you went into the Army”, I offered.

“I can understand change, but is there a need for beer in baby showers, bridal showers, weddings, baptismal, village fiestas, novenas and even rosaries for our departed loved ones?” he asked. “Whatever happened to local prudence of stashing away some of our meager resources for that rainy day?”

I now realize he’s talking like a real square type with his well honed fortified mentality. It was time to figure out either an exit from the conversation or sooth his dead stiff view with, well, beer. I excused myself and headed for the cooler. I grabbed two cans of beer and headed back. I handed him one while I took care of the other.

“Toast for all the changes in our lifestyle of the poor beer guzzling people”, I offered. He smiled and started sipping his drink. As I was leaving, I felt good that the square headed sucker wasn’t so square after all and had joined the new local fad drinking his own beer, too. Sorry, pal, it’s beer here, beer there and beer everywhere! It’s beer for all occasions especially as we suck ’em up to bid adios to the 20th Century!
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But my friend made sense–there’s too much beer–on basically every occasion and non-occasions, too. I really quiz how did I develop a taste for that bitter drink. I have cut down considerably or I’d be fastforwarding my own obituary. Yeah, I dread being poked by a nurse for glucose check who smiles and declares “And you are very sweet my dear”. As she delivers the somewhat deathly message, I look for trail of ants on the floor to see if they are following me close behind. Sorry, Doctor Hofschneider and Chris, I suppose you wouldn’t buy the beer excuse anymore, right? I’ve cut down considerably and not after seeing reality of diabetics wheeling in and out with both legs gone! A` Saina!