Practical discipline for children

Thomas Huxley wrote in the Nineteenth Century what I consider one of the best definitions of discipline: “ Perhaps the most valuable result of all education is the ability to make yourself do the thing you have to do, when it ought to be done, whether you like it or not; it is the first lesson that ought to be learned.”

Learning to discipline children is one of the major responsibilities and one of the most difficult chores of being a parent. Too often we try to discipline our children the way in which we were disciplined when we were children. However we fail to realize that the standards of respect and obedience were different than they are today. Let’s examine various techniques that may help us improve this most important responsibility.

As adults we see unrestrained discipline around us in other grownups. Unfortunately, our prisons overflow with adults who were never disciplined as children and as a result have had no guide to proper adjustment into society. But we also see adults with proper discipline and realize what a difference they make in our society.

To discipline children is to teach them to behave appropriately in a variety of situations. Disciplined children acquire a foundation in behavior that is approved by the society in which they live. They learn to cooperate with others and gain problem-solving skills. These children also learn to control their behavior thereby minimizing conflicts. As a result they become more responsible and independent.

Every time we act to discipline a child, we should evaluate its effect and understand if what we did was the proper course of action. It’s okay to be an imperfect parent, but we must keep trying to discipline our children.

Like planted seeds, we may not see immediate results, but they are there and will sprout in due time. Think of the consequences if we don’t instill proper discipline in children. Only havoc will result. We must keep striving until our children learn self-discipline which is the ultimate in self-confidence and pride.

It is unlikely that both parents view discipline from the same perspective. Either the mother or the father is too lenient or too harsh. However for discipline to be effective, each parent must respect the other’s unique style. All parents fall into one of the following styles: permissive, authoritative, and democratic.

Permissive parents are adults who react strongly against authority figures. They have a strong belief that children are basically capable of internal discipline and through choice and experience will learn what is needed to live and flourish in society. Permissive parents encourage individualism and” doing one’s own thing.” Few limits are imposed. Order and routine are usually missing resulting in the children ruling their parents or not being able to abide by group rules and cooperation.

The authoritarian parents want complete control and attempt to create an all powerful image to their children. These parents dominate all decisions and use rewards and punishment as methods to carry out their wishes. There is little room left for questioning or challenging control. Obedience to the parent is the desired goal. Parents who are too authoritarian frequently are involved in fights and power struggles with their children.

Democratic parents lie somewhere between the two extremes. Parents who practice democratic techniques place themselves at the head of the household, but also encourage cooperation and create an environment of learning. Order and routine are established and discipline is used as a measure of respect. Everyone in the family is made to feel part of the larger whole. (continued)