Psycho Gnome takes early lead in NFL race

Just one week into the regular season and it looks like the Tom Brady Show will be picked up for another season by the major networks as New England looks to be just fine without the services of standout middle linebacker Tedy Bruschi and despite losing both their offensive and defensive coordinators in their win over the Oakland Raiders in the season opener.

The big news in the AFC East was that the J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets were the only team in the division without a win during the opening week. While that was welcome to the waiting ears of the pride of Olathe, Kansas, Jon Cramer, who’s Chiefs grew a defense and said goodnight to the green and white in Arrowhead Stadium.

After kicking Drew Bledsoe to the curb in favor of youngster J.P. Losman, my Buffalo Bills opened up the season by stampeding over the Houston Texans in their throwback uniforms from the 1965 American Football League days at Ralph C. Wilson Stadium in Orchard Park, New York.

Almost 80,000 screaming fans cheered on the club that looked like the Jack Kemp-led squad back in the old “Rock Pile”, but they weren’t the only team rejoicing in the East as there was finally a quarterback sighting in the Miami Dolphins huddle.

The fish surprised all of our local prognosticators by playing with a “porpoise” against the Denver Broncos in a 34-10 victory. Is it possible that the Dolphins defense finally has a compliment to its imposing unit? It remains to be seen. So too does the success of new Cowboys starter Drew Bledsoe.

John Blanco’s Washington State fellow alum won the battle of Drews against the San Diego “Super” Chargers, but the lightning bolts were without standout tight end Antonio Gates who was serving a team imposed suspension for holding out of a portion of the preseason for none other than the almighty dollar. He’ll be in there this weekend when they travel to Denver.

Longtime San Diego foes from Kansas City made short work of the competition as the one-two punch of Priest Holmes and Larry Johnson punched holes in the Jets defense. The only problem is that Johnson is now under investigation for doing the same to his girlfriend the day before.

The Green Bay Packers also got a smack in the face as they lost to black and blue divisional opponents from Detroit. Never mind the tigers and Bears, the cheese heads were up to their cheddar in Lions as Joey Harrington finally got his team in first place. It might not last too long, but as least he can say that he did it once this year. Brett Favre cannot say the same. With his two starting guards injured and his star receiver out for the season, the league’s Ironman is facing an uphill challenge.

The same could be said for the Pittsburgh Steelers darling from last year, Ben Roethlisberger. The kid who was perfect last season until the playoffs extended his regular season undefeated streak by recording a flawless quarterback rating of 158.3 against the Tennessee Titans. While only completing 9-of-11 passes for 218 yards, Roethlisberger got plenty of help from running back Willie Parker who ripped up the field with 161 yards on 22 carries for a 7.3yards per rush to earn the AFC Offensive Player of the Week.

The New Orleans Saints were ripped out of their stadium, their homes, and any sense of normalcy when Hurricane Katrina devastated the Gulf Coast region, but they came marching in upset Super Bowl hopeful Carolina Panthers 23-20 on the leg of kicker John Carney with five ticks left on the clock. They won for their hometown fans, who for a few hours on Sunday forgot that they were living in shelters—the lucky ones with little more than small boxes and bags to show for their life’s belongings.

While the NFL is relatively in line for another thrilling season, things are already out of whack on the local scene as Rich Brooks knocked out last year’s champ Will Hunter with a 12-4 performance. Hunter finished in second at 10-6, but largely because he picked the St. Louis Rams, while the self-named “Psycho Gnome” went with the San Francisco 49ers. Brooks wasn’t the only one who favored the team from the bay, as the “Lil’ Mahi” Chris Barry went for the gold diggers. Unfortunately the kid from Saipan International School took one on the chin with a 5-11 outing, but there’s plenty of time for him to rebound. The champion of the Chiefs cause a split right down the middle as Cramer finished in fourth at 8-8, but the guy who did all of the talking last week finished in third. Blanco balked at choosing a team for his Guaranteed Pick of the Week in lieu of razzing his fellow prognosticators, but he was three games off the pace at 9-7. We’ll see how the motor of the Shell Lightning fares in Week 2, but chances are that we’ll hear about it too.