Philippine excursions

A friend of mine recently returned from a trip to the Philippines. He had not been to the Republic of the Philippines very often. So I had to ask him about his recent trip.

“The traffic situation in Manila is horrible,” he said. “Absolutely horrible. Much worse than anything I have ever encountered in Los Angeles. The drivers there are crazy. I don’t see how anyone could possibly drive in that country. The constant beeping and blaring of car horns. The abrupt swerving and constant changing of lanes.
No seatbelts in the taxi cabs either.”

Yes, yes, but at least the prices are cheap, I countered. Surely the shopping must be pretty good.

“What do you mean?” complained my pal. “Everyone is trying to rip you off in one way or another. There are almost no set prices for quite a number of things–the taxi cab, for example.

“The moment they realize that you are a tourist, the taxi meter suddenly malfunctions. Believe me, there is not a single taxi driver in Manila who would be caught dead running the meter on a tourist. What are the meters for, anyway? Decoration? They might as well just chuck the meters.

“And another thing: sometimes, when you ask how much something is going to cost you, the guy just shrugs and says, ‘Don’t worry about the payment, sir. Enjoy. Just pay me whatever you feel like after–whatever you think is right. No problem.’

“Then when it finally comes time to pay, they spring an absurd charge on you–a totally unreasonable price. And then they actually have the audacity to insist upon it. What a total rip off! An unpleasant argument then ensues. So make sure you always agree to the price right up front no matter what.”

Yeah, but at least the prices are fixed at the Shoe Mart Mega Mall. No haggling and bargaining there, right? said I.

“Oh, but damn it, what’s the use? Have you ever tried to purchase an extra-large shirt in the Philippines? You cannot find them, I tell you. They just don’t exist. “Somebody should alert the RP tourism authority to this very serious problem. It strikes me as a form of physical discrimination. They should pass a “Big and Tall Retail Clothing Act,” demanding that sizes XL, XXL and XXXL be adequately represented in the RP mega malls. What is a grossly overweight, beer-bellied Chamolinan to do?

“It is darn queer and peculiar, really. If you want to buy pants with a size 40 waist, they will probably have it in stock for you–but don’t bother wasting your time asking for a nice XXL shirt to go along with it.”

Gee, I said. Sounds to me like you had a horrible time in Makati.

“No,” he said with a sly smile, “I actually had the time of my life, pare.”

Talaga. Bastus.