‘Boogeyman’: Better off remaining in the closet

During one of the opening scenes in Boogeyman, a character makes reference to the upcoming Thanksgiving weekend. Isn’t this February? Is it possible that producer Sam Raimi (producer of The Grudge, director of Spiderman) envisioned a better release date for Boogeyman, but someone at Sony/Screen Gems realized it just wasn’t good enough for a Thanksgiving release? Hmmm…

Boogeyman is about as good as one might expect it to be, which isn’t saying much. Overall, the production qualities are lame, from music to special effects to whatever you can think of. None of that really matters in a horror movie, so long as a few chills and thrills are provided, but in Boogeyman, the only “scares” arrive when everything gets really really quiet, and then suddenly something happens REALLY REALLY LOUD! That’s a cheap trick to pull, and the cinematic equivalent of flushing the toilet while someone’s taking a hot shower—sure it might give a quick jolt, but that doesn’t make it fun, especially not when it happens over and over and over again.

In Boogeyman, our lead hero, Tim (Barry Watson), is afraid of closets even as an adult because, as a child, he saw his dad taken away by an unseen monster into his bedroom closet. His psychiatrist says he just imagined that nightmare to deal with the fact that his dad left him and mom, and some other head-shrink gobbledygook. Of course, we know better, since “psychiatrist” is just a fancy name for “quack.”

When his mom passes, he, at the suggestion of his doc, decides to confront his fears by spending a night in the old childhood home, presumably to prove to himself that the boogeyman is a figment of his imagination. Sounds like maybe some sort of a kind of a good idea, until you see how much this house resembles the Norman Gates residence. And it’s even creepier inside because, for some reason, it has a bunch of woodchips and sawdust spread throughout. I never could figure out why, but whatever. It’s a horror movie, so it doesn’t have to make sense.

The villain in Boogeyman is straightforward, and that’s kind of nice in this day and age of cheap thrillers that always have a surprise twist. When Tim finally realizes that the guy in his closet is real, he enlists the help of a kid who knows how to beat the monster. I’m only surprised he didn’t seek the help of an old black janitor, because that’s who usually solves the riddle in cheap horror movies.

Barry Watson (Sorority Boys, Teaching Mrs. Tingle), the lead actor in Boogeyman, is someone you’ve probably never heard of, and for good reason. It appears as though he, as well as the rest of the cast, attended the Joey Tribbiani School of Acting, where they teach you to pull the hairs on your leg when you want to look upset, and to do long-division in your head when you want to look surprised or confused.

There was one scene in Boogeyman, during the climactic finale, when the narrative takes some rather clever twists through space and time, and for those five or so minutes, the movie was fun to watch. I wish I could say the same about the other 81 minutes.

I’d like to give Boogeyman a big “F,” since that’s how bad it is, but it sounded like there were a lot of teens in the seats around me having fun screaming, shrieking, and making excuses to snuggle up with each other. Any movie that gives an awkward kid a license to try the old fake-yawn trick is enough to warrant at least a “D” because, at least for the target audience, this movie serves its purpose. (Joe Weindl, Special to the Saipan Tribune)

Boogeyman, PG-13, 86 minutes