Fifty ways to lose a voter

Paul Simon of the Simon and Garfunkel fame had a hit narrating 50 ways one might leave one’s lover. Peppy tune, catchy lyrics. A frivolous song appropriate for a frivolous piece. Since I’ve been into disclaimers lately, let me make another one. This column makes no claim that there will not be another CUC outage when the count of the absentee ballots is going on, nor will it guarantee that Ruth Tighe’s mail will always be accounted for in the Capitol Hill P. O. branch. There.

In two days, the absentee ballots will be counted. With only 700 of the expected 1500-some absentee ballots sent out materializing in the last election, the edge is on the continuation of the trend already in place. But since this Commonwealth seems enamored with games of chance, I wager that there will not be any surprises. Any takers?

The four-way contest for the top executive gave everyone even money. Had the incumbent executive faced only a single challenger, the match would have been over on the first day of the race, a couple of aficionados contend. Maybe. I did sense that the discontent was high but I did not think it was that high. Yes, JNB is haughty; perhaps, a defense mechanism. Nothing personal; an appropriated mannerism for which he pays a dear price.

A case can be made that whoever makes it to the Guv’s office after Saturday’s count will not get there because he won the contest but that the other three lost it.

Lang, out-republican-ing the Republican, alienated himself from his home base, the Democrats. Worse, he failed to ingratiate himself to the ideological pure Republicans. Nor did the Lang nostalgia line up all the gray panthers in a cavalcade for the veteran. Centrist Democrats like Sen. Crisostimo then did not have any difficulty endorsing Clinton Republican JNB.

Ever wondered why color coding our parties with red, blue, gold and green really does not work? In the U.S. federal elections, red is elephant and blue is donkey. Other places have red for socialists and blue for conservatives. Yellow is liberal; gold is royal. Green is radical environmental chic in the EU; yellow is also proletarian of the non-socialist type. Black is fascist and brown is Nazi; white is pacifist and blue is peace, man! Now, you know.

Here’s one where JNB might have lost some. There were more than two hundred signatories to a petition, presumably all voters, requesting for some kind of executive action. Though a majority of the signatories were supporters of the incumbent at the beginning, there were many who felt slighted not only over the Governor’s inability to respond to their petition’s call but more so because they never got any response of any kind at all. This was after back channels had indicated that the petition was exactly what the office was hoping for since the personnel in question had allegedly become an embarrassment to the administration. The gubernator demurred; the voters did, too.

Six out of seven campaigners of Philippine descent who approached me asked that I go green. The seventh simply said, “Anyone except …” and she referred to everyone’s favorite target. A certain sector of the FilAm vote cast an almost solid ballot by tradition and intent. Now that one out of 15 voters are of Philippine descent, mostly educated, articulate and opinionated electors, candidates will start heeding this new ingredient in the island’s political kilaguen.

The “We Bulong” (“We Whisper”) got the word out that certain ladies of noted pedigrees had thumbed their noses on the prospect of a Filipina as a First Lady. Nothing fires up and unites a diverse group more than the impression of being ethnically discriminated against. No great chagrin to the greens; a great loss to red, yellow and blue!

Heinz and David’s popularity among the man’hobens was not sufficient to cascade a torrent. “There is a meanness about him,” a socialite once commented at a social gathering about the mighty one’s wit, “and to his credit, he seemed to have put a cap on it.” The reference was to Heinz, and she did not mean capping the catsup bottle! I dubbed this duo the dark horse in the race; might just jolt us all up come Saturday night.

The expected greening of the savannah in Rota did not materialize. The landslide turned out to be a trickle, leaving the incumbent a hair’s breath of a fighting chance. On the other hand, my man down Luta just outrightly claimed that the southern view gives the clear impression no one is minding the CNMI store, and if one did, the site of the Santa Margarita galleon landfall, or their resident leaders, are not in their sight. Too bad, said the Uncle; the nephew breathed a sigh.

I believe the top three thought they had the numbers. Well, they did. Tweedle dee, tweedle dum. Come on, Ivan, pass us the rum!

Now, a pro-claimer! (as opposed to disclaimer.) This keyboard hacker was a naturalized U.S. citizen three years before Ron Reagan said, “Yes!” to most Commonwealth residents, in Guahan. No foreign import who should keep his Manila-pruned political opinions to himself, this one. It’s homegrown. But, thanks for keeping us on our toes, Koblerville!

(Strictly a personal view. Vergara writes a weekly column for the Saipan Tribune.)