‘In defense of my Dad’

Prior to my Uncle Charlie’s departure to the mainland, he made peace with everyone, visited with family and gave tokens of his love away. He prepared himself and, with a stoic attitude, decided that money and material possessions were not as important as his health. It was a realization he shared with me days before he left. He had re-shuffled his priorities and was willing to do whatever was necessary to get better and come home with Marie, his common law wife of more than 10 years, and reunite with his daughters, sons and grandchildren.

Now that he has gone to be with the Lord, our family wishes to honor his memory and only hopes that Charles Jr. and Roy find the most appropriate avenue as they explore ways to deal with their own indescribable loss. People grieve differently and we need to allow them to cope, whether it be engaging in healthy physical activity, seeking professional counseling or just leaning on loved ones for support.

It is my personal desire that my cousin Roy will find what he needs to address his grief and not let guilt and regret eat him up inside. For someone who has always been so humble and introverted, it pains me to see him feel this urgency to protect his older brother against an illusion of “war,” a war that they created to satisfy their displaced anger. We need to let my uncle, their father, rest in peace. Whatever happened minutes after his death is inconsequential to what we do from this day on. My father has no interest in the assets of the estate and only wishes to grieve for his brother privately. The Bible succinctly states that “Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” The estate and the assets that my uncle’s sons were so preoccupied with minutes after their father’s passing is none of our business. The family merely wanted to honor his memory by serving the people who came to offer their condolences. Amidst the gossip and rumors, one truth stands tall: colon cancer took my Uncle Charlie unexpectedly and too soon for any of us to deal with. Destroying my father, Senator Reyes, will not bring him back. There is a more important vow we can make to each other.

According to the American Cancer Society, “colon cancer is the third most common cancer diagnosed in both men and women. About 106,680 new cases of colon cancer will be diagnosed and about 55,170 deaths are expected due to colorectal cancer in 2006.” Early detection, regular check-ups and treatment increase the chances of fighting colon cancer successfully. Though he knew his condition had worsened, my uncle did not realize how advanced his illness was. He talked about being an advocate for cancer screening when he got back. It is up to us to carry on that wish for him and to take care of ourselves and our loved ones. I urge everyone to support their local cancer awareness organization and to help raise funds for cancer research. As for family feuds, the only one still raging is the war within my cousins’ hearts. Time is precious, fleeting, and better spent building memories.

Lastly, I would like to address some of the issues my cousins brought up in their recent letters to the editor. The TRO was prepared in the event that the rights of my cousin and her mother, Marie, would be violated before she was able to return home. There was already talk about searching the house for documents, a will and other assets. All this while the family was discussing how to plan for a proper funeral. While she was selecting a casket, choosing clothes and dealing with the loss of the man she loved, my cousins were discussing the money that they were to receive. What a selfish way to thank the woman who cared for and loved their father in good times and bad. One of my uncle’s sons was entrusted with the key to the house for security purposes. He was asked to feed the chickens and turn the lights on and off. They had no key to the room that was broken into by a locksmith and searched. In fact, they had to have permission to be in the said room at all. The TRO was executed after one of my aunts asked the boys to leave the premises and give the residents the respect they deserved. The police were summoned by one of the sons to arrest my aunt so they could continue searching the house. Only upon hearing that did my father executed the TRO. When he realized that Charles Jr. was requested to appear before court on the morning of his father’s funeral, he rescinded the order. The withdrawal of the TRO was not a legal victory for Charles Jr. as he claims, but an act of compassion by my father for a grieving son.

My cousin Roy has never approached my father to find a solution, except through the media. From the very beginning, Roy declared a public war and made sure through his dad’s eulogy, which was more of a “me-logy,” that everyone knew this was going public. I distinctly remember a threat to destroy my father’s credibility and ruin his reputation. They have chosen to sensationalize this family matter because for some reason, holding on to anger feels more comforting than dealing with the intense pain of saying goodbye. My uncle Charles made peace with my father before he left Saipan. Knowing he might not return, he gave him two of his golf shirts. My father placed the probate before him and my uncle pushed it aside. As for their probate matter, the greed rests entirely upon the accuser. I am not writing to vindicate my father. I loved my late uncle very much, and was very fortunate to have received his love in return. I am writing because it is intolerable to me that his memory be used for such a despicable purpose—hatred. My late uncle would never have condoned this kind of behavior from us and would never want this family matter to be sensationalized in such a fashion. Finally, it was a very tough decision to respond to the letters in this way. I’m sure there will be more to come from my cousins and maybe even next time, an attack on myself or my family. It is to be expected, but hopefully those with discerning hearts will ignore the childish gossip that surfaces next.