Life’s Anchor and 12 Common Courtesies

Each generation strives to discover their unique self; often inspired by the music, writers and artists of their day. Yesterday’s “rebel without a cause” has simply shifted across the sands of time into today’s free-spirited youth.

In a few generations, what was once taught and considered common courtesies now seem to be lost as young people mimic the nihilistic actions and attitudes of pop-culture icons. Instilling a solid foundation of core values gives young people an anchor, while still allowing them to find their true self.

While our children were young and we were new parents, we wondered what we could and should do to best raise them in our home so they would become good people in the community. One of the things we did was to create a family mission statement that summarized our core beliefs, or at least those values that we hoped our children would someday use to guide their own lives. Before we wrote the mission statement, we made a list of all the worthwhile values we felt they should be taught. From the dozens listed on a piece of paper, we whittled them down to the principles that were absolutely essential, and from those we came up with three core values that we felt were imperative to instill so our children would grow to become responsible adults.

Like a three pronged-hook, these three values became the unifying anchor to help keep our children from drifting in the philosophical sea of life. We felt that if they were taught these three principles, they would have a solid foundation that would allow them to still discover their unique voice in the world.

The three values are our version of the three Rs, and they are: to be Respectful, to be Responsible, and make Right choices. We feel that if all people truly lived by these three values, there would be less fighting within families, fewer divorces among spouses, less conflicts and lawsuits in the community, and fewer wars would be fought in the world.

Eighteen years later, we can now see the impact that these three Rs have had on our children and without tooting our own horn too loudly, we are delighted to see the kind of adults our older children have become. We’ve recently decided to reassess our child-rearing methods with our next crop of children, to examine what worked best, and one of the things we will definitely re-emphasize is the three core Rs.

To clarify what each value stands for, we’ve included 12 Common Courtesies that we learned, but are becoming more uncommon among people. Come up with your own examples or adapt these for your own situation to create an anchor for your family. Hopefully you’ll be able to look back 18 years from now and observe the impact it has made on your children and in your lives.

[B]Respectful[/B] [I]1. Respect the rights and feelings of others. [/I]

This includes their ideas, beliefs, property, and body. You don’t have to agree with everyone, but recognize their rights as long as it does not disrespect or infringe on the rights of others.

[I]2. Try first to understand before trying to be understood. [/I]

Too many people are so caught up in their own thoughts and problems that they fail to respect and understand what others are trying to say.

[I]3. Think before you speak, and consider how your words will impact others. [/I]

Words, once released, are like a bag of feathers thrown into the wind. They are easy to say, but once let out of the bag, cannot all be taken back.

[I]4. Show more gratitude for the simple things, and recognize and praise the efforts of others. [/I]

Respect is revealed by the way you treat others, and it creates a reciprocal effect as others show more respect toward you and your ideas.

[B]Responsible[/B] [I]5. If you see or know something needs to be done, then do it. [/I]

Don’t wait to be told what to do, or leave it for someone else. If it takes another person or agency to get it done, then report it and follow-through until it is accomplished.

[I]6. If you borrow it, wear it or drop it, return it to its appropriate place. [/I]

We’ve found this to be one of the major causes of frustration among people who live together as families or roommates. Clothes, toys, and other items that are dropped on the ground, quickly turn into a mess. Money and things borrowed and not returned create resentment and distrust.

[I]7. If you break it, fix it or replace it. [/I]

This makes sense, but it’s amazing how many people don’t do it if they’ve been irresponsible with someone else’s things.

[I]8. Leave a place or item in better condition than when you arrived. [/I]

This is one way to get people to welcome you back to their home, community or country. Can you imagine the difference it would make in public places if instead of leaving trash, everyone cleaned their messes and even picked up a few littered items before they left?

[B]Right Choices[/B] [I]9. Consider the consequences of your actions in the next 7 minutes, 7 days, and over the next 7 years. [/I]

Consider what impact your choices will make immediately, and in the near and far future. Robbing someone’s money, time, property, or virtue for immediate gratification can leave a permanent scar, mar your reputation, or make you less desirable to be around.

[I]10. Consider the feelings of others in your thoughts, words, and deeds, but always be true to yourself and your purpose. [/I]

It’s important to live in harmony with others, but there are times when your choices may contradict with the masses because you are being true to your inner self, a higher cause, or a higher power.

[I]11. Speak the truth, live with honor, and keep your reputation spotless. [/I]

Your integrity is one of the most valuable assets you can cultivate throughout your entire life, and one of the few things you can take with you after this life. People who have left legacies and are remembered well by others are those who lived with honor.

[I]12. Treat other people how they want to be treated. [/I]

How you want to be treated may be different from the way others want to be treated. This is especially true with men and women who live under the same roof and with people from different cultures. You should try to understand the unique needs of others, and how they want you to treat them. The world would become a much better place if we only lived by this one “common” courtesy.

[I]Rik is a business instructor at NMC and Janel is a partner with BizResults, LLC (www.bizresults.org). They can be contacted at biz_results@yahoo.com.[/I]