Mostly quiet on the western front

Sometimes Garapan looks like a virtual ghost town. Businesses are shuttered, tourists are scarce, and even the locust-swarms of hookers are gone. The only light and lively place I saw a few nights ago was Ritzy’s cafe, where a third anniversary bash was rolling.

Part of Ritzy’s soiree involved a taco eating contest, and, since I’ve been a leading crusader to bring affordable tacos to Saipan, I was asked to be one of the judges. How could I refuse?

The contest was a race to see who could scarf three tacos and down three beers in the quickest time. Just thinking about that makes my stomach hurt. Four hardy souls bellied up to the challenge, though, and in a blur of tacos and suds, a Mr. Willem DeJong won the contest. He clocked in at one minute and 50 seconds. If I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn’t believe it.

Of course, mere tacos and brewskis do not a third anniversary bash make. Cute girls are always a nice addition. Sometime after midnight the wet T-shirt contest was scheduled to start and–oh, darn–I was scheduled to be a judge for that, too.

Meanwhile, what there was of a breeze that night in Garapan was stirring through empty streets. Ritzy’s was so crowded that I needed some cool and quiet air, and, let me tell you, Garapan had plenty of quiet to offer, what with the late hour and the slump in tourism.

Garapan’s a nice place when it’s lively, but when it’s empty the concrete looks stark, weathered, and old–maybe even defeated. Even a newer structure, Le Bon Marche, looks like some kind of weighty economic tomb, a monument to the point where the economic wave crested.

Of the places that are still in business, I’ve not been to 99 percent of them. It’s a semi-secret world to the American eye, unable to make out the signs, but I suspect whatever’s being sold is pretty expensive.

The gray and empty streets of Garapan are a contrast to the dazzle of Tumon, Guam, which seems to be growing like a sizzling neon vine up into the heavens. Guam’s got far too much concrete and traffic for my tastes, but Tumon’s shopping district is quite a tourist magnet.

As for Saipan, will the tourists be back? Yeah, eventually, but the industry can only recover after Japan itself recovers economically. It’s possible that Japan is finally getting back onto its financial feet, but this is a process of years, not months. In the meantime, we’ll see more businesses struggle, more businesses close, and Garapan will grapple with a gloomy air.

But why dwell on that grim reality when the wet T-shirt contest is about to begin? Duty called. I strolled through the empty streets back to Ritzy’s, ordered a San Miguel, and the contest began.