The obligation trap

Street beggars in the states often employ a certain strategy before asking for a handout: they do something for you. For example, they may wipe your car windows without your request or consent. Or they may press the cross-street button for you. But whatever it is they do for you, their purpose is the same: to make you feel somehow obligated to give them something in return–i.e., to instill a false sense of obligation within you.
Salespeople frequently employ the same artifice. They go out of their way to serve you. They devote their full attention toward you. In a jewelry store, for example, they may go through the trouble of actually adjusting a watch to fit your wrist before a purchase. In a men’s clothing store, a saleslady might go through the trouble of picking just the right suit for you: the right tie, shirt, belt, and other matching accessories. Again, the whole idea is to make you feel that, after the all the lengths they have gone through, after all the time they have spent with you, you are obligated to buy something from them.

So-called spiritual groups have been known to employ the same tactic. At some American airports, for example, a Harry-Krishna disciple might offer you a free flower before asking for a “small donation.” If you refuse the flower, they will refuse your refusal. “It is a gift,” they say. “Keep it.” Once again, the whole purpose is to create a false sense of obligation.

Money Magazine tried to ensnare me with the same trick recently. I took them up on their “risk free, no obligation trial offer” on the Internet. Under the terms of the agreement, I would receive one free issue and from there I would then decide whether I would be a subscriber or not.

Well, guess what? Before the “risk free” trial issue even arrived, I was billed for a full one year’s subscription. And shortly after the free trial issue finally arrived (with another bill included), I received an overdue billing notice. Apparently, the “free” issue was an obligation ploy, after all.

To offer yet another example, I know of a guy who took this Nagoya Star waitress out on a date one afternoon. They went sightseeing, to Banzai Cliff, Bird Island, and so on, where the woman proceeded to “put out” a bit.

Well, on the way back to her barracks, she asks her date if he would please stop by Joeten and buy her some Aspirin or other medicine, to which the man naturally consents. To his utter shock and dismay, however, the young Filipina suddenly starts to include a whole array of other assorted products in her shopping basket, all of which she quite naturally expects my friend to purchase for her (on a first date).

My friend wanted to refuse, to protest: “Wait a minute. This costs $50. I thought we were only here for some Aspirin.”

Of course, he did no such thing. He went ahead and unhappily made the purchases, feeling some sense of obligation because, after all, she did “put out.”

Unfortunately, most people fall for the obligation trap at one point or another. The key point to remember, however, is the actual nature of true obligation.

Obligation has to be supported by voluntary acceptance, otherwise anyone could obligate anyone at any time. In contract law, for example, certain elements have to be present in order for obligation to exist: a clear offer, unmistakable acceptance of that offer, and some form of consideration (or payment) activating the agreement.

Never be fooled into feeling a false sense of obligation. Remember: Only you can obligate yourself.