Politically correct writing gets tricky

The puzzle of the day — which I floated in yesterday’s column — is to weed the apparently one-sided gender reference out of the following simple sentence: “If you like your boss, take him to lunch.”

You could, of course, say “if you like your boss, take him or her to lunch.” But the “him or her” isn’t tight writing; it’s long and mushy, and if you plop enough of these types of phrases in a piece of writing it becomes a soggy bag of passive words.

A tempting angle is to use a variation of the word “they.” For example, we can say “if someone borrows your car, they should fill it with gas.” Note the “they.” It replaces “he” or “she” or “he or she.” It neatly short circuits the whole gender issue.

Taking that tack with our word puzzle du jour, we come up with this: “If you like your boss, take them to lunch.”

Happy with that?

I’m not. “Them” doesn’t work. It strikes me as plural, while we’re talking about one (not more than one) boss.

What now? Good heavens, this one stupid little sentence is proving to be a real irritant.

I’d re-cast the sentence like so: “If you like your boss, then take your boss to lunch.” This isn’t a perfect solution, though. It’s two words longer, so the sentence isn’t as tight as it could be. It does, however, ring better in my mind’s ear the other fixes we’ve tried.

‘Nuff said about that little nine-word stink bomb. The broader fact is that simple sentences that look innocuous at first glance can be a challenge when the whole “he” versus “she” issue gets uncaged and begins to growl. When complex sentences are involved the problem gets exponentially tougher.

The two-dollar term for this issue is “inclusive language,” that is, explicitly including both genders when making general references–or, at least, not explicitly leaving one out. There are all sort of heated debates about whether inclusive wording SHOULD or SHOULD NOT be used. Leave me out of those arguments. All I’m doing is looking at the techniques of style a writer has to ponder if the inclusive angle is being played.

Why ponder such things? Because I admire the raw power of language. It’s humanity’s greatest invention.

Language is how we learn things more complex than mere animal survival instincts, because it enables the learned and the wise to pass on their wisdom.

Language can change people’s behavior and put money in your pocket. That’s what, for example, advertising copy writing is all about.

People will kill, and die, for emotions inspired by mere language.

People will throw away their rights and give their souls to dictators if the right guy knows how to use language the right way.

Language is more magic than magic itself.

As societies change, so, too, do languages. Even small changes can make big differences in how we go about communicating. Whether it’s Canada on the brink of a national breakup over the French vs. English issue, America grappling with social changes, or our local school system debating the merits of including various languages in the curriculum, you can safely bet that language is ultimately a cause and an effect of the world’s big issues.