“Desperate, desperate . . .”

Right now, I am thinking of a particular song from “MAD TV,” the hit comedy show that airs right along with “Saturday Night Live” on–you guessed it–Saturday nights. The song accompanies the parody of 9021 and other similar shows concerning “pretty white kids.” If you have seen the show, then you already know how the song goes: “pretty white kids . . . pretty, pretty white kids with problems . . .”

Except, instead of “pretty white kids with problems,” I am thinking of other lyrics for the song. Sing along with me now.

“Desperate white men . . . desperate white men . . . desperate, desperate, desperate white men attending Chamorro rosaries.

“Desperate white men . . . boot-licking white men attending the rosary . . . though they don’t believe in Catholicism . . .

“Want the position . . . they just want the position: to be a judicial nominee . . .

“Desperate white men . . . desperate wise white men . . . want to be nominated . . . want so much to be nominated and confirmed . . . will do anything . . . will do almost anything for the position

“Jewish attorney . . . Jewish New York attorney attends the rosary . . . seeks Teno . . . seeks Governor Teno for the much coveted judicial position.

“Will do anything . . . will do almost anything for the chance to be a judge.

“Desperate, shameless white men at the rosary . . . may not have supported the governor before.

Come on, sing along with me–all together now: “Desperate white men . . . desperate, desperate white wise men at every important rosary . . .

“Praying white men . . . praying, praying desperate white men at the politically influential rosaries

“Please, dear lord . . . oh, please, please dear lord, let the dear governor nominate me . . . how many local funerals and rosaries must I attend?

“Desperate, white men . . . desperate, desperate, desperate white men . . .

I am obviously not much of a song-writer, but I am sure you get the picture. So the next time you attend a funeral or a rosary, look around you. Look for the two or three desperate, desperate white wise men who look a bit out of place–and whose sincerity and benevolent motives may remain firmly in question.

“Desperate white men . . . desperate, desperate, shameless, boot-licking white men . . .”

Governor, legislators: Beware of desperate white wise men attending our rosaries . . . bearing prayers, gifts and condolences.